He Had You Frimples
by Stalker Fudge
Summary: Takes place a few months after He Has You. Kate is with Sawyer now and everything seems to be going smoothly. But then she starts getting sick again, and she knows she can't hide it from Sawyer the way she hid it from Jack. Can they survive her reaction?
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Frimples  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairing: Sawyer/Kate  
Summary: Takes place a few months after 'He Has You'. Kate is with Sawyer now and everything seems to be going smoothly. But then she starts getting sick again, and she knows she can't hide it from Sawyer the way she hid it from Jack. But can she face the demons that come with the truth of what's happening?  
Author's Notes/Disclaimer: I strongly suggest reading 'He Has You' if you haven't already before you read this. Oh yeah... -- I don't own Lost.  
Hope you enjoy this.

* * *

**

Kate felt a sharp stab in her stomach and she cringed and scrunched up in pain. A cry of pain escaped her lips. Tears welled up in her eyes and she let out a few sobs. She was alone now. He had left her. Sawyer had told her that he was afraid for her. He told her he was scared of what would happen to her out in the woods, so she didn't go with them. She stayed behind one time, and he was gone. Jack had come back with his body.

Sawyer's bloody body.

"Sawyer." Kate said quietly. Her voice was full of tears. "I can't... Sawyer." Kate gripped her stomach tighter. "This can't happen. Sawyer!"

Kate felt arms wrap around her tightly and she opened her eyes, letting the tears fall down her cheeks.

"You alright Freckles?" Kate shook her head, looking up into Sawyer's steel blue eyes. He was there. It had all just been a nightmare. She had imagined it all. The memory of Sawyer's bloody body had been a fake. Everything was fine.

But the pain. It was still there, lingering beyond the dream. The pain wouldn't go away. She bit her lip, trying to push it aside. It was imagined too right?

"Freckles?" Kate looked up at Sawyer, nodding slowly, working on trying to find her voice, burried somewhere in her fear.

"I'm fine Sawyer. It was a nightmare." Kate said quietly, looking away from him.

"Yeah. Been havin' a lot of them recently haven't you?" It was a statement, not a question. She closed her eyes and laid back down, trying to steady her breathing.

"I'm fine Sawyer." Kate tried to make her voice steady and sure. Sawyer sighed, reaching up and wiping a stream of tears away from her eyes. He leaned forward, kissing her forehead. His voice came out quiet and smooth.

"I'm worried about you Kate. Something's wrong and you know something more about it then I do." Sawyer wrapped his arms tighter around her, holding her against his bare chest. The moonlight snuck in through the corners of the tarp covering the entrance of his tent.

Kate had pretty much been living in his tent since the incidnt with Jack, using the excuse she didn't want to be alone. After awhile, she stopped giving excuses as to why, and everyone just accepted it as what happened.

And Sawyer was right, he had been woken up by her mutterings and thrashing from nightmares more frequently then normal. It seemed like it was every night now for the past two weeks. She had been distant and waved it off. And when he kissed her, she was never there.

Sawyer looked down at Kate's quiet form, fear in her eyes and something else. He had always been able to read her so well. He was too close now. He couldn't see past her exterior because she knew him better, knew certain tricks to hide things from him.

And what was killing him most was that she actually wanted to hide things from him. He wasn't looking for complete honesty, he knew that would be uncharacteristic for both of them, but they had sort of an agreement that the big stuff would be delt with. They only held back the things that didn't have a real effect on them.

But she was. Whatever she wasn't telling him was killing him. It was killing them.

"Everything's fine Sawyer. It's just a nightmare. It doesn't mean anything." Sawyer shook his head, gritting his teeth. He felt like he was talking to a wall. In a way, he was. Her wall, the one she had built between them. Her protection. Protection from him.

"Well if everything's fine then I guess we can talk about this dream. If it's not all that bad then there's no reason that I..."

"Not now Sawyer." Sawyer groaned in frustration.

"Not now? Not now! That's all you ever say anymore. 'Not now', 'we'll talk about this later', I can't do that Kate! I'm not just gonna sit..."

"Sawyer!" Sawyer looked down at Kate, noticing that she had started to cry again. He clenched his jaw and shook his head, angry at himself for doing that to her, but still mad at her for not talking. Kate pulled him down onto the bed and leaned into him a bit.

One of his hand reached up and he started running his fingers through her hair. She took a few staggering breaths.

"I'm tired Sawyer. We'll talk later. I promise Sawyer... we will talk later. I'll tell you... I just... I can't now. I need to get some sleep." Sawyer nodded.

"Tommorow Kate. We are going to talk about this tommorow." She bit her lip. He was using her name to tell her without threatening her that he meant business. She would either have to break tommorow and tell him what was wrong, or everything between them was over. He wouldn't play this game anymore.

He didn't go back to sleep or loosen his grip on her until he heard her breathing fall into a steady rythm as she slept. He tried to tell himself it was so he knew she would fall into a peaceful and dreamless sleep, but his mind wouldn't let him escape from his everpresent fear that the second his guard dropped she would run.

* * *

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

Kate's eyes opened as the first rays of sunlight slipped through the tent flap. She looked at Sawyer, who seemed to be lying in a troubled sleep. She sighed, her hands shaking and sat up, kissing his forehead.

"I love you Sawyer." She said quietly. She couldn't forget the scene from last night. The look in his eyes and the tone in his voice. She was hurting him. She knew she was hurting him, but she couldn't tell him what was going on. She couldn't let him know what she dreamed about. Let alone the fears of what she might be facing.

"I love you so much. I can't ask you to deal with this. I can't put this on you. It's not what you want. It's not you, It's not me Sawyer. This is not us." Kate said with tears in her eyes. She had been through this before, she knew that going into denile wouldn't change anything.

And what hurt even worse was that she couldn't say this when he was awake. He wouldn't hear this speach. He wouldn't hear her say anything else for awhile. She couldn't let him leave her. She needed to run. Run while he still had a chance to get over it, to forget her.

Had Kate been thinking clearly, she would have stayed with him. She would have told him everything and explained why she didn't want to be near him. She didn't want to hurt him. But she knew she wouldn't stay. And she didn't know if she could run if he told her to stay. She needed to leave before he asked her to stay.

Standing up slowly, Kate winced as Sawyer groaned. She looked back down at his still sleeping form. She let a few tears fall silently down her face. She turned to look at Sawyer's black bag. She leaned over, scooping it up and dumping the contents out of it. She looked down.

Her plane. She bit her lip, picking it up and rolling it between her fingers. She sighed and put it in her back pocket. Grabbing a couple water bottles and stuffing them in the bag, she tossed her hair over her shoulder.

"I'm really sorry Sawyer." She said, taking one last look at him before walking off into the jungle quickly.

---

Sawyer's eyes opened, the sun was bright and the tent flap was hanging open. He looked beside him. She wasn't there. He bit his lip, remembering what had happened last night. His eyes fell to the ground beside his bed. That's when he noticed all his stuff and the truth as to why she wasn't there came to him all in one sweep.

"Dammit!" He stood up quickly, pulling on a shirt and reaching over to grab a waterbottle. He groaned as he walked out of his tent, anger and fear boiling up inside of him with every step.

---

Kate let her feet touch the ground and she reached over, picking the bag back up and putting the fruits she had just picked from the tree inside it. She looked around and zipped up the bag. She heard a noise behind her and spun around. She noticed that no one was there.

Kate sighed and turned around, walking a bit further into the jungle.

_Go back. Go back to him._

"No. I'm not going back!" Kate shook her head. She kept walking. Then she saw someone ahead of her. She stopped and took a few steps backwards. Then she screamed.

---

Sawyer looked around him. He knew he had to go back. He had went too far in the jungle and he would get himself lost. He had no idea where he was going. He couldn't track. He needed help.

Nothing pissed him off more then knowing that. He shook his head and turned around. Then he stopped. All anger left him and fear took over as he heard a scream. It was her.

"Kate!" Sawyer took off at full speed towards the scream.


	3. Chapter 3

Sawyer ran as fast as his legs would take him, Kate's scream echoing in his mind. Fear took over him and his breathing got deep and ragged. Trees flew past him in a blur and his legs pulsated beneath him. He needed her to make another noise. As much as her scream was haunting him, he needed her to scream again. To know she was still alive out there.

Sawyer stopped running when he heard a noise. He stood still, heart pounding, trying to listen to what exactly the noise was. Sawyer inched forward, looking around for the slightest clue as to what was going on. His eyes fell to the ground, wishing that Kate's tracking skills magically had become his own.

His eyes fell on an object a few feet away. Taking a few steps, he reached down and scooped up the object in his hand. It was her plane. He clutched it in his hand and stood up, placing it gently in his pocket, as if it would fall apart at even the thought of roughness. 

Carefully looking around, he strained his ears for any audible sound of her.

"Come on Freckles… just… anything." He said under his breath. "Kate!" His voice echoed in the morning air, but seemed to be sucked in by the trees at the same time. He heard a noise then, something that sounded a lot like someone crying. He spun around and walked in the direction it was coming from.

Then he saw her. Backed up against a tree, sweaty, bloody, and crying.

"Kate!" He was at her side before he remembered moving. He didn't waste any time before pulling her up into his lap and wrapping his arms around her. He heard her try to reply, but everything that came out of her mouth was drowned in tears and unintelligible.

Every muscle in his body tensed as he cradled her in his arms. His rough and chapped lips found their way to her forehead and kissed the smooth skin. She took a few deep breaths, than her sobbing died down.

"What happened?" Sawyer tried to keep his voice as level as possible, he didn't want to scare her, but the rage was boiling over now. Kate shook her head.

"He was following me… and I just kept running. He tried…" She closed her eyes. "He tried to grab me and I got away and just kept running." She shook her head. Sawyer noticed that something warm seeping through his shirt where he held her against his chest. He pulled her back slowly and gritted his teeth.

"That's a pretty nasty cut Freckles." He didn't want to look at his shirt. He already knew it was covered in blood, her blood. He looked over her. Besides the gash on her arm, the other cuts were all minor scrapes.

"I just kept running…" She said, looking at him, pain evident in her features. "I didn't stop to find the safest rout. I just ran as fast as I could." Sawyer shook his head.

"There's dirt in it." He looked down at her arm, taking it carefully in his hand. "We need to clean it." He looked around.

"Sawyer…"

"Was it him Freckles?" Sawyer asked, not able to turn his face back to her. She could hear the fear in his voice and she laid a hand on top of one of his own.

"Yeah." Her voice was barely audible. Sawyer tensed up even more then before.

"Which way did he go?" Kate couldn't believe her ears.

"What? Sawyer no! You can't…"

"Which direction Freckles?" Sawyer looked her in the eyes, his desperation clear.

"I don't know Sawyer." Kate said softly. Sawyer shook his head, standing up, helping her to her feet as well.

"Can you find your way back to camp alright?" Sawyer asked, looking around the jungle again.

"What?"

"Can you find your way back…"

"You're not going after him Sawyer!"

"Yes I am." Sawyer turned to leave, but Kate grabbed his arm.

"Sawyer please…" She paused. "I need you." Sawyer turned around, his face softening when he saw the fresh tears in her eyes.

"Ok." Sawyer nodded, leaning down and lifting her off the ground, cradling her in his arms again. "I'm gonna get you back to camp as quick as I can Freckles. I promise. You're gonna be ok." Sawyer knew that once Kate was safe at the camps, he would be coming back out to the jungle to find Zeke. And he wasn't going back until the other man was dead.

"Ok." Kate leaned her head against Sawyer's shoulder, completely forgetting for the time being why she had left camp in the first place.


	4. Chapter 4

Sawyer ran out of the jungle and into the daylight, shirt clinging to him, with a barely concious Kate in his arms. She moaned a bit and he looked down at her. He blinked as his eyes stung with the salty sweat that had trickled into his eyes. His breathing was ragged and it wasn't long before he found out he wasn't able to speak. Even Kate's light body felt too heavy to carry and he thought his arms would fall off.

"Sawyer?" Sawyer looked up to see Claire standing in front of him, Aaron on her hip. He looked down at Kate, then back up at Claire. He closed his eyes trying to form the words that would've been hard enough to say without the factor of him not being able to breathe.

"Jack…" Sawyer panted. "Now!" His voice was hoarse and he opened his eyes, hoping Claire would know where the island's only doctor was. Claire nodded, quickly. "Take her to your tent. I'll tell Jack to meet you there." Sawyer nodded at her, walking past her to the tent.

Claire looked back at Sawyer and Kate one last time before turning around and running in the direction of the hatch.

Sawyer stumbled into his tent and lay Kate down on the bed. She groaned and her eyes fluttered open. Sawyer looked down at her, worry obvious on his face. He knew she was hurt, but even with the gash on her arm she shouldn't be this weak. He had been compressing it and she'd lost a minimal amount of blood. He reached over and found a shirt laying on the top of the pile of stuff that had been in his black bag.

Looking at her, he ripped a piece off the bottom of the shirt and wrapped it around her arm. She sucked in air and Sawyer bit his lip. The cut was dirty and would have to be cleaned. Sawyer sighed and brushed some hair back out of her face.

"Where are we?" Her voice was so quiet and weak. Sawyer brushed his fingers across her cheek.

"We're back in the tent Freckles. Ja-" Sawyer shook his head. "The doctor's on his way." Sawyer sat down next to her, looking away and out to the water.

"I'm sorry Sawyer." Sawyer looked down at her.

"Sorry?"

"For making you go through this." Kate looked down, referring to the fact that this would be the first time that they'd be dealing with Jack since the fight. They had both seen him around, it was impossible not to run into him with the way life was on the island, but they hadn't had any reason to speak to him directly. Sawyer nodded, and leaned down, kissing Kate's forehead gently.

"Don't worry about it." Kate nodded, although the look in her eyes told Sawyer that she would continue to worry about it, despite anything he said to try to make her feel better. That was just Kate.

Then there was something else. Something in her eyes that gave him the uneasy feeling that this wouldn't be a one time thing either. Something that Kate knew about and he didn't. That bugged him and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't push the thought from his mind.

---

Claire walked into the hatch, clutching Aaron to herself. "Jack? Jack!" 

"What is it Claire?" Claire turned to see Jack standing in the doorway. He was looking at her tiredly. No doubt she had just woken him up from a nap. It had become normal for people on their button shifts to take small naps while waiting for the alarm to go off.

"Uh… Sawyer…" Claire switched Aaron back over to her hip again. "Kate's hurt." Jack felt like his heart lept to his throat.

"How… how bad?" Claire shrugged, feeling sympathetic towards the man.

"I didn't get a chance to get a good look. But there was blood."

"Where is she?" Jack grabbed his backpack of medical supplies and started towards the door.

"Sawyer's tent." Jack closed his eyes.

"Of course." He shook his head. "I'll go… you…"

"Yeah, Aaron and I will stay here and watch the button for you." Jack nodded his thanks and opened the hatch door, jogging out into the woods towards the beach.

---

"What is it?" Sawyer finally asked. Kate looked up at him confused.

"What is what?"

"There's something else wrong. Something to do maybe with Jack?"

"No Sawyer. Nothing is going on that involves Jack." Kate said, looking at him, gaining back streangth, but still feeling very weak.

"What about your dream then? You promised…"

"No now Sawyer ok?" Sawyer shook his head.

"You mean not ever."

"That's not what I said Sawyer." Kate shook her head.

"Oh, so you just ran off this morning for a little walk right? You weren't just going to leave so we didn't have to talk?" Sawyer felt anger boiling up inside him with every word. He'd known that's why she was gone, he just hadn't said it out loud yet.

"Sawyer…"

"Hey." Sawyer turned to see Jack running up to their tent. Sawyer growled, hating Jack for his timing. "What happened?"

"Just a few cuts. From the jungle." Kate said, not being able to look up into Jack's eyes.

Jack didn't say anything, just untied the shirt to look at the cut on Kate's arm.

"That's pretty deep." Jack turned around. "Sawyer can you get the peroxide?" Sawyer reached to Jack's bag and handed him the bottle.

"I'm just gonna take off now." Sawyer stood up, his fists balled at his sides.

"Sawyer!" Sawyer turned to look at Kate. Big mistake. Jack was pouring on the peroxide and her face scrunched up in pain. He bit his lip, unable to stay mad at her for the time being. "Don't leave right now. Please." Sawyer nodded and made his way back to her side, sitting on the opposite side Jack was, he took her hand in his and gently kissed her forehead.

"Alright."


	5. Chapter 5

Jack stood up, looking at Kate's face. She had fallen asleep as Sawyer sat next to her, talking in her ear to distract her from what Jack had been doing. He had sewn up the gash and wrapped it up in a bandage. He sighed, looking over at Sawyer's face. Sawyer nodded, slipping his hand out of hers and kissing her on the forehead.

"I'll be back when I can Freckles." He said softly, looking down at her. He straightened and reached under the pillow, pulling a 9mm out and sliding in his back pocket.

"What are you gonna do?" Sawyer looked up, as if noticing Jack for the first time. He shook his head.

"I'm gonna go pay our dear friend Zeke a little visit." Sawyer said, turning at looking at Kate. He sighed, turning back around. "Watch her?" Sawyer hated asking the other man to watch her. After all, he had hurt her so badly before and plus there was the way Jack still looked at Kate.

"Watch her so you can run off and do something stupid? I'm not…"

"Watch her so she doesn't follow me and get hurt or…" Sawyer let his voice trail off unable to put into words the next word, unwilling to even let himself think about them. He turned from Jack, not wanting the other man to hear the fear in his voice, to see the venerability in his eyes when he thought about losing her.

"I'll ask Sayid to watch her." He said, nodding his head as he came to a final decision. Sawyer shook his head, balling his hands into fists as he clenched his jaw.

"You can't even think about her for…"

"I'm going with you Sawyer." Jack said, his voice strong and his eyes saying he wasn't joking and wasn't about to take no for an answer. Sawyer was unable to hide his shock at Jack's sudden announcement.

"Excuse me?" Sawyer turned around to look Jack in the eyes.

"We both know that if you go out alone, that nothing would be able to stop her from going after you Sawyer. She…" Jack swallowed a lump in his throat. "She loves you and the most important thing to her is that you're ok." He closed his eyes. "So I need to go with you to make sure you come back alive. Not for you, make no mistake about that Sawyer, I would never do this for you." He turned, looking at Kate's sleeping form. "But after what I did to her… I need to do this for her Sawyer."

"I don't need a babysitter." Sawyer said, glarring at Jack. It was his way of saying he wasn't happy about it. Jack was going with him, they both knew that. And they both knew that they were only doing this for Kate. "You go on and find Muhammed and get him to come here with her. I'm leaving in five minutes, with or without you." Jack nodded, turning to the cave to find Sayid.

Once Jack was out of sight, Sawyer turned around to look at Kate again. He walked back over to her and dropped to his knees, laying a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I'm gonna do this for us Kate. And when I come back, we'll talk. We need to, cuz if we don't I'll lose you." He slid his fingers through her hair. "I can't lose you."

---

Sayid was filling up some water bottles at the caves. He watched the bottle seemingly come to life as it inhaled the water and then amde air bubbles come to the top as he dunk it under. The bottle seemed more alive then he did.

"Sayid!" He heard his name, sounding far off. He turned around, pulling himself out of his clouded daze and faced Jack. He nodded.

"Yes Jack?" Sayid had gotten better with time. Around people he was back to normal. He only ever felt depressed when he was alone without anything to do. He stood up, seeing the worried look on Jack's face. "What is the matter?"

"I need your help. Can you watch Kate?"

"Watch Kate?" Sayid asked, confused.

"Sawyer and I need to uh... go out in the jungle. There's some business that I can't do alone and Kate would kill me if I let Sawyer go by himself so..." He paused. "She's asleep right now and we just need someone to stay with her, make sure she doesn't come after us." Sayid shook his head.

"Kate is not a baby. She does not need someone to watch over her." Jack shook his head.

"She can't come into the jungle with us. And if she wakes up she'll..."

"She is just as capable as you Jack. Kate is Kate. You should know that there is no way I could stop her from following you." Jack nodded slowly, he knew that. He just needed to figure out a way to get Kate to stay. He needed to help Sawyer do this.

"So is that a 'no'?" Sayid nodded.

"I am sorry. But I can not take part in this. Kate will be hurt. She is not a baby." He shook his head. "Do not treat her as such."

---

Sawyer sighed. Time up. He stood up, taking his hand out of Kate's hair and wiped a bead of sweat off her brow. "I'll be back as soon as I can." There was a groan and Sawyer cringed.

"From where?" Her voice was hoarse and she opened her eyes. She took his hand in hers and looked up at him. "Where are you going Sawyer?"

"Out. For just awhile." Kate didn't let go of his hand. Her eyes pressed him for more details and she slowly sat up on the bed. "Into the jungle Freckles. After him." Kate shook her head.

"Sawyer you can't..."

"I'm goin' Kate! I have to. I told you I was." Kate shook her head.

"Sawyer, you can't go out there alone after..."

"I don't need a babysitter Freckles." Sawyer said, then he lowered his voice. "Sides, Hero's supposed to come along." 

"Jack?" Kate looked into Sawyer's eyes, not sure if she could trust what she was hearing. Sawyer nodded slowly.

"Would ya beleive it? Heard bout my lil' adventure I was takin' and jumped on the oppertunity to go out and play hero again."

"Where is he?"

"He went to go get Sayid. To watch you and make sure you didn't come after us when you woke up. To make sure you didn't get hurt." Sawyer knew they were the wrong words as soon as they left his mouth.

"You were going to get Sayid to _babysitt_ me Sawyer? You didn't trust me enough to..." 

"It ain't babysittin' Freckles." Sawyer shook his head scrunching his face a bit. "We just didn't want you to get worried and run off so..."

"So I could get taken again?" Kate said, gritting her teeth, on the brink of tears. "That's what this is right? I'm weak and if I go I'll get taken."

"No." Sawyer said reaching out to Kate. "You aren't going because I'm going to kill him for what he did to you before. And I don't want you there to see it Kate. I know you know what I did." He paused. "But I don't want you to watch me do it again."

"Revenge went pretty badly last time didn't it?" Kate asked, her jaw set. Sawyer licked his lips, looking down at the sand and sighing.

"That was a mistake Freckles. You remember that word? We all make 'em. You sure as hell have made your fair share." He looked up, a cold glare in his eyes. "Prolly a whole lotta other people's shares too right?" Kate shook her head.

"Go to hell Sawyer."

"Already there Sweetheart." Sawyer stood up. "But since you don't really seem to want me here right now, I got someplace I gotta be." He stood up, turning towards the path. "Me an' the hero are goin' on a little trip. We'll be back when we get back." He said, shooting Kate a glare of mixed emotions.

Kate sat there, tears behind her eyes, her lip trembling slightly. Jack and Sawyer. They go into the jungle on a mission. She gets left behind. She can't sleep, Sawyer's not beside her. Then Jack comes out of the jungle. He's looking upset and tired. Kate asks what happened then he tells her. He tells her and the dam breaks, tears pouring out from somewhere deep inside her.

"Sawyer! Don't go!" Kate snapped just before Sawyer got to the entrance of the path. He turnedd around at her sudden outburst and she stood up and ran to him. She grabbed both his wrists with her hands and squeezed as the tears escaped her eyes. Sawyer stood stalk-still, frightened by her sudden outburst.

"Freckles? What..."

"That's the dream... you and Jack go... and I stay here. I never go with you." Kate shook her head. "And Jack always comes back." She shook her head, Sawyer focusing on every word out of her mouth. "But you don't. You never come back to me." She shook her head, letting go of his wrists and covering her face. "They always take you. They always kill you." She was in a complete breakdown now. She hardly noticed when Sawyer had wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. He slowly rubbed her back as she sobbed.

"That's the dream? The one you been havin' every night?" Kate took a few gasping breaths and pulled back, a little shakey.

"Yeah." She was shaking all over now, the dream obviously haunting her. And now it was either make her suffer this alone and go into the jungle, starting off the dream, leaving her to wonder if it'll end the same way it always does, or stay with her. Stay and do something Sawyer had never learned to do before in his life. Stay and forget about revenge. Stay and forget what happened with him, with Zeke.

"Hey..." He said quietly, looking down at her. She looked up, blinking back fresh tears. "I'm gonna be fine. I promise you Freckles. I'll be fine." Kate shook her head.

"Don't make a promise you can't keep Sawyer." Sawyer nodded, looking her in the eyes.

"I have to do this Kate." Kate nodded slowly.

"I know." She leaned up and kissed him. Sawyer responded and placed a hand behind her head. He held her close to him and let his eyes close. She seemed more relaxed now, but still cut off a bit. He pulled back.

"Hey..." They both turned to see Jack standing awkwardly at the entrance to the path just a few feet away. "Uh... Sayid..." Kate shook her head.

"Doesn't matter. I won't follow you." She looked up at Sawyer. "That I promise." She sighed. "Just come home quickly." Sawyer squeezed her arm as he nodded at her, then turned to Jack.

"You ready?"

"Yeah." Jack put his hands in his pockets. Kate walked over to Jack and hugged him. Jack recieved the hug akwardly and Sawyer bit his lip, looking away. He trusted Kate, but the fear was still there. Kate pulled away from Jack and reached in the back of her pants.

"Bring him home Jack. When you come back, I need you to be sure he comes back too." Kate pulled out her own gun, the one Sawyer had given her before and handed it to Jack.

"I will Kate. I'm not coming back without him." Jack recieved the gun and nodded at her. Kate turned back around and walked to Sawyer, kissing him on the cheek. "Be careful." Sawyer nodded.

"Always am when I have somethin' to come back for." Sawyer gave her arm another squeeze before pulling himself away and leading Jack back into the jungle.


	6. Chapter 6

The jungle was nearly silent, only the footsteps of two men on a mission could be heard. Upon looking at them, one could tell that they weren't in any kind of company that either of the two enjoyed. The silence was painful and Jack sighed, unable to keep quiet any longer.

"How are we supposed to go about finding him?" Jack asked, following  
Sawyer's lead, not an easy task for the man to do. "And if we  
find him Sawyer..."

"When."

"When." Jack sighed, his voice not very confident. "When we find him, will you actually be able to do it? Will you be able to look him in the eye and pull the trigger?" Sawyer stopped walking and tightened his grip on the gun, which he had been carrying in his hand since they got past the hatch.

His breathing became ragged and he bit his bottom lip, causing blood to  
rush to the surface. When he turned around, Jack took a few steps back  
from the intensity of the glare he found himself on the receiving end of.

"Do I look like the type of person who wouldn't be able to pull the trigger Jack-o?" Besides having a ticked off look about him, there was also something else in his eyes, something that Jack missed and Kate would've picked up on before he turned around. There was pain.

"Right. Dumb question." Jack nodded as Sawyer turned back around and  
started walking again, deeper into the jungle.

"Do we even have to talk for this little trip?" Sawyer groaned, already feeling a headache coming on with the other man's presence.

"Answer me this one question Sawyer, then I'll be glad to walk in silence."

"Get on with it then! Anything to shut you up Doc." Sawyer rolled his eyes, turning around again.

"How are we going to find him Sawyer?"

"I know where he is."

"What? How?" Jack couldn't hide his shock and state of confusion over Sawyer's new declaration of knowledge.

"I just know Jackie." He said, shaking his head and turning around to walk again, done with the conversation. Jack was about to ask for more detail, but dropped it, realizing that Sawyer would probably get ticked off and use the gun on him.

"What if she was wrong Sawyer? What if it wasn't him?" Jack shoved his hands in his pockets, knowing he should have just stayed quiet, but unwilling to.

"'Scuse me partner? Did I just hear you right? I could swear you just said  
Kate was a liar." Sawyer turned around, getting dangerously close to Jack,  
his eyes on fire at the mere thought of the man even suggesting Kate was  
confused or crazy.

"I'm just saying Sawyer… she was really tired when she supposedly saw him. And she hasn't been sleeping very well recently."

"What do you mean she hasn't been sleepin' well recently?" Sawyer raised an eyebrow, confused at how Jack would have any idea on how she had been sleeping when they hadn't spoken for months. Jack looked down a bit, hesitant to tell the other man, though completely unsure of why.

"She told Claire that she had been having nightmares a lot. And that she hasn't gotten a full night's sleep for almost three weeks."

"She told Claire? And you know…"

"Claire was worried. She came to me and asked if it was healthy." Jack chewed on the inside of his cheek, feeling uncomfortable that Sawyer still had the gun clasped tightly in his hand.

"Is it?" Sawyer's voice was full of curiosity and fear. Jack felt genuinely bad for him and nodded slightly.

"It's not really the healthiest Sawyer, but no one has ever died of insomnia." Jack noticed that Sawyer visibly relaxed when he was told this.

"What kind of nightmares?"

"I don't know. Claire said that Kate never told her about them. She said that they were bad enough when she was asleep and she didn't want to have to think about them or be afraid of them when she was awake anymore then she already did." Sawyer shook his head, walking over to a tree and sitting down at the base of it.

She had told him her dream. And he had walked away from her, had given her fears fuel to burn even stronger. He had left and made a part of her nightmares a reality. He knew he should turn around and go back to her, but that would leave his revenge untended to. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes.

---

Kate wrung her hands together, looking at the woods and pacing back and forth. "Sawyer…" She shook her head, turning around.

"Kate calm down. He'll be fine." Claire shifted Aaron to her other side and nodded at Kate. "While he's gone Kate, you should look for it. I'm sure he has another one. In fact, I remember him saying that he had two. Only one of them has been used." Kate turned to Claire, nodding slightly, then smirked.

"When did he ever get into a conversation where he had to say that he even had those besides that one time…"

"He bet it in poker once. One of the times that he beat me and Hurley really bad." Kate nodded with a smile.

"Can you imagine if Hurley had won it?" She smiled and Claire nodded, noticing that Kate was trying hard not to seem like a nervous wreck.

"It'll be alright Kate. Everything will be fine." Kate turned to Claire and nodded.

"Thanks." Kate nodded as Aaron began to cry. Claire cradled her son closer and shook her head.

"I'll be back. Little Roo needs changing." She smiled slightly and gave Kate a half-hug. Kate nodded and watched Claire walk off before turning and walking into the tent and bending over a box full of a few of the things Sawyer still had from the plane.

Kate pushed things aside, looking through all the stuff that had been left by scavengers after he took off on the raft. Things that pretty much no one wanted or needed. Useless junk. But Sawyer never threw away anything that people called useless. He knew that everything could be used at some point.

Then her eyes fell on it and she sighed. Her hand reached in and grasped it, pulling it out of the box and turning it to look it over, her hands shaking with nervousness and an edge of fear.

---

Sawyer nodded at Jack, who sent Sawyer a small smile and turned around, headed to the caves. If Jack was surprised that Sawyer had told him they needed to go back and forget about the whole thing, he hid it well.

Sawyer took a deep breath and walked towards his tent, ready to appologize for what could be the first time in his entire life. He sighed, walking to the entrance and noticing her standing in front of the box that his small stash was in.

"Freckles?" Kate turned around, hands at her sides, looking like she'd just been yanked out of a deep thought by a gun-shot. "You ok?" She blinked.

"You're back?" He nodded.

"I can't do that to you Freckles. I can't make you live your nightmare." Kate closed her eyes, and let out a long breath.

"Sawyer..." She couldn't express her grattitude to him. So she walked up and placed her lips on his, kissing him with an intense passion, hoping that would tell him just how much what he did meant to her. The box in her hand fell to the ground as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He placed his hands behind her back, holding her to him and letting his eyes close. After just a moment she pulled away, looking up at him. He nodded his understanding.

Then his eyes fell to the sand, where the object she had been staring so intensely at was laying. He seemed to stop breathing. Kate noticed his face change and followed his gaze. She hugged her arms to herself.

"Sawyer? It's not for sure. I still haven't..."

"A pregnancy test?"


	7. Chapter 7

Sawyer didn't move, he just stood there, feeling numb. "You think…" He shook his head. "How long have you suspected it Kate?" Kate looked down at her feet, her heart racing. "How long?"

"Couple weeks." Her voice was quiet.

"Who else knows Freckles?" Sawyer dropped his eyes to the sand, holding his arms to himself. "Does Jack…"

"No." Kate stepped up to him, their bodies touching now and shook her head, moving her hands to his face and forcing him to look at her. "I didn't tell Jack Sawyer. I would never have told him before I told you." Kate saw that Sawyer was having an internal war over the subject. She was terrified he would let the fear take over and leave her.

"Who else knows?" He repeated his question and this time, with their eyes connected she felt a shiver run down her spine.

"Claire." She said quietly. "Claire told me that she could tell something was seriously wrong. And that she knew I was scared about something." She paused. "I told her that you and Jack had left, then she said it was something else so…" Kate sighed, moving her eyes away from his.

"So you told her that you've suspected…" His eyes fell to her stomach and stuck there. "…suspected that for a couple weeks?" Kate nodded. "But you haven't…"

"I've been going out earlier then usual to get breakfast and coming back later as well Sawyer. You already called me out on that." Kate walked over to the bed and sat down on it, folding her hands in her lap and focusing hard on them.

"You told me that you had been spending more time with Claire because she was having some problems with Charlie again." Kate looked up at Sawyer with a pointed look.

"And you knew that was a lie." Sawyer nodded, he had seen Claire around camps when Kate had been gone, and he had a knack for knowing when she was lying anyways. He had just suspected that Kate had wanted some time alone. He assumed that she hadn't wanted to be with him all of the time since she was never one to stay tied down for too long.

Her walks out in the jungle were something he accepted as a way to calm her down so she wouldn't run. He knew she liked her space, and it did him good too. Neither of them were used to the connection and having someone else always there every second of the day. Just having some time to themselves was important, as long as it didn't get too bad and the alone time wasn't as long as she had when she was with Jack.

He never once even thought that there could be something more then that to her walks.

"Yeah…" He sighed, walking over to her and sitting down beside her. Her head dropped again to her feet and he studied the side of her face, trying to read her expression. "I would've been there Freckles. I would've helped you." His mind went back to the time in the jungle he had caught her when she was pregnant before. Pregnant with Jack's child. He remembered holding back her hair, remembered thinking that if she was his, he'd be there doing it for her, unlike Jack, who couldn't see what was going on right under his nose.

Kate turned around again and looked into his eyes. "Sawyer?" She bit her lip and shook her head. "Would you?" It wasn't said in a doubting voice, more of a pleading one. It was at that point when he thought about what she must've been going through. His mind went back to how she had told him what happened. How she had lost the baby lying next to Jack before she had even got the nerve to tell him about it.

And Jack had been with Ana. Kate trusted him and he turned around and ran to another woman. He could see the fear in her eyes. She was scared that it was over again. She was terrified that he would leave her.

"Of course I would." His voice was unusually calm and he reached out his hand. He placed one over her folded hands in her lap and cupped her face with the other one. "I love you." He leaned in and kissed her lips gently before pulling away. "And I'm not going anywhere." She visibly relaxed and Sawyer nodded.

"I guess you should go… take the test huh?" Kate nodded slowly and stood up, walking back over to the box and picking it up.

The test was just something there, something that would cement the truth. She already knew the answer.


	8. Chapter 8

Kate wrung her hands together, pacing back and forth on the jungle floor. She kept her eyes on her feet, watching her every movement with an intense gaze.

"Calm down Freckles. You keep walking in that grove you made and you'll be in China before you know it." Kate turned to look at him, jumping slightly at his voice. He hadn't said anything since she'd told him she didn't need directions to take a pregnancy test. She smiled slightly, shaking her head.

"You know Sawyer, China isn't on the other side of the world from everywhere you know." He smirked and shook his head.

"A geography lesion now huh?" He stood up from the log he was sitting on and walked up to her, putting his arms around her stomach and pulling her towards himself, resting her back against his chest. In an uncharacteristically gentle gesture, he leaned down and lightly kissed her neck. "Don't worry so much. Everything's going to be ok."

"How can you be so sure?" She leaned into his embrace, turning her head and leaning her forehead against his neck. 

"It's just a gut feelin' Freckles. But I always trust my gut." He looked up and saw Claire coming into the jungle towards them. He bit his lip, squeezing her arm to let her know that someone else had joined them.

"Hey…" Claire looked at them, a little uncomfortable. Kate lifted her face and nodded at Claire. "I'm sorry I bothered you…" Kate shook her head, looking from Claire to the little boy on her hip.

"It's fine." Kate untangled herself from Sawyer's arms and walked over to Claire, looking at Aaron. "Hey little man. How's my favorite guy on the island today?" Sawyer watched her walk to the baby, then watched Claire shift so Kate could take the small child in her arms. He found his eyes glued to the child, to the look of calmness that was on her face as she held him.

It was at this point that he realized just how much he wanted, needed in fact, for the test to be positive. He wanted to be able to make her look like that, like the whole world wasn't against her. He wanted to be able to give her something good, to give her something more that would make her happy.

"How?" He looked over, noticing Claire had walked over to him. "How'd it turn out?"

"It's not time yet." He looked at his watch. "About thirty more seconds."

"It's the longest wait in the world isn't it?" Sawyer looked down at her, trying to seem detached from his emotions and the intense moment.

"I've waited for things longer then three minutes for somethin' before darlin'" Claire rolled her eyes.

"Nothing like this Sawyer. Weather you really want this baby more then anything, or it's the last thing in the world you want, it's still the longest and most emotionally exhausting three minutes of your life." Claire looked at him sympathetically and he looked up at Kate, who had sat down on the log, Aaron facing her on her lap, and was now playing peek-a-boo with the small infant. Claire followed his gaze.

"It's like she's another person isn't it?" She looked back at him, meeting his eyes. "It's so scary and yet… so natural, like it's who she was born to be." She nodded at Sawyer, who turned back to Kate, then looked at his watch. His throat went dry.

"It's time." He stated this loud enough so Kate could hear him, looking up to meet her gaze. Time froze as their eyes met, and Claire nodded, walking back over to Kate and taking Aaron from the other woman, putting a hand on her arm.

"I'm going back to the beach." She nodded at Kate. "You'll tell me how it turned out?" Kate nodded up at her.

"Yeah. I'll come by and tell you a little later." She nodded a silent 'thanks' to Claire for showing up with Aaron when she did and smiled up at her. Claire walked back towards the beach and Sawyer walked over to Kate, holding out a hand to help her up. She took it and leaned against him, not letting go as they walked to where the test was.

Kate lifted it up to her eyes. She looked at the strip and swallowed hard. She didn't want this did she? Sure, she loved kids, yeah, she loved Sawyer. Yes, she had always wanted to be a mother. But she couldn't do this. Not with the life she had now. She was a fugitive. If they were ever rescued she would either go to jail or they would go on the run. And neither of those lives had any place for a child in them. 

She didn't want to want it. But she felt herself being torn in two directions. The sensible side who needed it to be negative, and the hopeful side that needed it to be positive.

Her eyes fell on the result and her throat went dry. She fought back tears that were threatening to break through. She squeezed Sawyer's hand tighter and looked to the ground. Her voice was barely above a whisper when she made her announcement.

"It's negative."


	9. Chapter 9

Sawyer shook his head, looking down at her. Thoughts and fears ran through his head. He didn't understand it, he was so positive that she was pregnant. He should be jumping for joy now right? Kate wasn't pregnant, and Kate expecting a baby on the island wouldn't be such a good thing. He closed his eyes, telling himself over and over again that he was happy with the results.

"Negative?" His voice was quiet as he leaned down to look at her face. He could clearly see how much she had wanted this baby. Not that she had even known it before this moment. He shook his head, biting his lip. "It's negative?"

"I can read the results Sawyer!" Kate shook her head and stood up, fighting the tears that threatened to accompany her outburst."It's negative. There's no baby." She turned around and hugged her arms to herself. "Thank God." They both knew that the last two words were a wall to hide behind, to hide her dissapointment, but they still sliced through his skin when she'd uttered them. He stood up, turning away from her.

"Yeah..." He bit down on his lip, drawing blood. The pain was a welcome feeling to him, contrasting the empty feeling in his chest.

"Well you didn't honestly think that we could do this did you Sawyer?" She shook her head. "You're James Ford and I'm Kathrine Austin. We aren't good people, so why the hell would we make good parents?"

"Freckles, we would..."

"This is a good thing for us Sawyer. You have no idea how to handle a kid, I'm no better. Neither one of us had any kind of a childhood that would suggest we should even think about having kids! You really think that we'd escape our fates Sawyer? When you become parents, you become YOUR parents. I can't..."

"You wouldn't be like him Kate!" Kate froze at Sawyer's outburst, ever since he'd found out about Wayne, they'd ignored it. Once the past was shared, it was pushed aside to be shoved back in the back of their minds, the memories that would haunt them daily, but they would never face. It's the way they worked, and it worked good for them. She shook her head. 

"Sawyer..."

"And you got a head on your shoulders Kate! You are nothing like your mother either!" He walked up to her and placed his hands on her arms. "And if you ever compare me to my father again..." His voice was full of hatred and anger. She shrunk back slightly. She should have expected this kind of reaction from him. She knew how touchy the subject was for him. She felt his hands contrict around her wrists. She looked down at her feet.

"I'm sorry... I just..."

"I know what you were doing. And it's just wrong." Sawyer shook his head. "You are being a baby about this Freckles. Just accept it. You wanted this baby and now that you found out it's not coming, you have to accept that. Don't ignore it. Accept it." Sawyer's breathing was low and he sounded dangerous. Kate didn't look back up at him, instead she backed away and scooped up the test and the box. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting rid of it." She looked down at the box, and froze, not breathing.

"Of course. Just get rid of it. Then we can ignore this like it never happened and it'll go away like everything else." Sawyer looked back down at Kate and crossed his arms. "What?" Kate still didn't say anything and then he noticed the look on her face. His expression changed. "Freckles, what's wrong?" He walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"How long did we wait?"

"Three minutes." Sawyer rose an eyebrow at her. "Why?"

"The box says five..." Kate looked at the test, then up at Sawyer, swallowing a lump in her throat. Sawyer reached forward and gripped her hand. She nodded slowly, her face still shocked. "It's positive... I'm pregnant."


	10. Chapter 10

Sawyer's heart stopped. He just simply shook his head. "It's positive?" Sawyer repeted her words, his voice kept emotionless.

"Yeah." Kate bit her lip and hugged her arms to herself. As much as she was relieved by that thought, and as much as she wanted it, she also was terrified by the news. Her act to make Sawyer believe she was glad there was no baby had done nothing for him, but it had done wonders for convincing herself that she didn't want it. "Oh God…" Kate stood to her feet and shook her head.

"Freckles?"

"We can't do this… there's no way…"

"Freckles." Sawyer leaned down, picking up the test in his hand.

"Sawyer, we're not good people. Both of us… and the baby is going to be part of us… part of him. This baby won't ever be good… nothing we ever have could be…"

"He has nothing to do with this. It won't be a part of him."

"Yes it will! He's my father Sawyer. He'll be a part of it because he's a part of me."

"But you aren't him Freckles. He's only…"

"He's a very big part of me Sawyer."

"Only if you let him be."

"I don't get to choose…" Kate ran her hands through her hair and Sawyer reached forward and grabbed her arms, making her face him roughly.

"We been through this Sassafrass. You ain't your father anymore then I'm my father." His hands tightened around her arms.

"Sawyer… I…"

"'sides Freckles, you didn't grow up with him. The man who's a bigger part of you… that's your dad. The man who took you how to track, the man who really loved you like a father should love his daughter…" Sawyer paused, swallowing hard. "That man is a big part of you Freckles. Bigger then Wayne." Sawyer looked down at her, the topic of their conversation obviously making him uneasy. He wasn't really the authority on father figures, but Kate needed to hear it, and no matter how hard it was for him to say it, he'd say the speech a million times if he had to.

Kate's eyes dropped to her feet. She nodded slightly, but he could tell that she wasn't convinced. He sighed slightly, going with a new approach.

"What's your favorite thing about me Freckles?" Kate looked up at him, confusion written all over her face.

"What?"

"What do you like best about me?" Kate shook her head.

"I don't think I could ever pick that Sawyer." She chewed the inside of her lip, confused by the look on his face.

"If you had to pick one thing… one thing to symbolize anything…" He sighed, turning his head away slightly. "Anything good about me." Kate nodded, rising her hand, she slid it along his cheek.

"Your dimples." He turned to her, raising an eyebrow. "Your dimples show when you're truly happy. When you're feeling good about something, or when you're trying to get me to smile." She smiled a half-smile, despite the conversation they were having just a few minutes before.

Sawyer smiled, the outline of his dimples appearing, and ran his thumb across her nose, tracing her Freckles. "And your Freckles are innocence." Kate looked up at him, furrowing her brow slightly, asking for an explanation. "I'm calling it…" Sawyer paused to think. "Frimples. The kid is Frimples, Kate." Kate shook her head, still not understanding completely.

"What…"

"Freckles and dimples sweetheart. Everything good in us… that goes on to the kid. None of the bad goes in… just the good. Frimples." Kate smiled and wrapped her arms around Sawyer. She smiled slightly.

"Frimples." She leaned up and kissed his jaw slightly. He shut his eyes and sighed, exhausted by his speach, and still angry and hurt by being compared to his father, especially since it was from Kate. Pushing those thoughts aside, he smiled and leaned over, kissing her lips. She returned the kiss gently. When he pulled back, he moved so he was standing beside her, his hand on her back.

"Come on girl. I'm sure Missy Claire is curious about the test results." Kate nodded.

"Yeah." Kate nodded and smiled slightly. She turned around and looked up at him. "Sawyer..."

"Yeah?" Sawyer turned his head to look down on Kate.

"I think I'm gonna hang out with Claire and Aaron for awhile, so I don't know if I'll be back for poker in a bit." He nodded, remembering for the first time that Hurley was planning on coming back over to play poker again today. He wondered how Kate had remembered it after everything that had been going on.

"You got one heck of a brain there Freckles." He smiled down on her, kissing the top of her head.

"I know." Kate replied, wrinkleing her nose with a mock-cocky smirk.


	11. Chapter 11

Kate sat on the ground, her back against Claire's makeshift bed, laughing and shaking her head. "Well you asked Claire." Aaron giggled from his spot on Kate's lap and reached up, wrapping his fingers in Kate's dark curls and pulling. Kate winced, but gently took his hand away from her hair and held it down in her own.

"Well I call that a momentary lapse of good judgment." She shook her head, moving to sit back down next to Kate. It's been so long since I've hung around with someone who's so… open about that." She shook her head. "Although you are with Sawyer so I should have expected it." She looked down at Aaron, glad the boy couldn't understand what they were talking about.

"No trust me Claire, that wasn't even half of it." She shook her head. "There's a lot of stuff that I will never tell anyone about." Kate smiled down at Aaron, moving her hand to wipe some spit off his face from his little game of blowing raspberries.

"Well I'm thrilled to hear that. As well as a little frightened." She shook her head, then winced slightly. "It sounded… painful."

"Oh, it was." Kate smiled and leaned down, kissing the top of Aaron's head. "It was really painful."

"And once again… I'm sorry I brought it up." Claire looked out onto the beach with a small smile. "So, you wanna go see how the game's going mama bear?" Kate rose an eyebrow at her friend.

"Sure… but if you call me mama bear one more time…"

"Got it." Claire stood up and walked towards the tent flap before turning around again. "Mama bear." She winked slightly as Kate shook her head, standing up. "Just remember, you're holding my son."

"Yeah, I remember." Kate smirked. "Don't worry, I'll get you when you least expect it." Kate shifted, clutching Aaron closer to her chest and kissed his head once more. Claire rolled her eyes slightly and nodded.

"You want me to take him or are you gonna be ok holding him?" Claire crossed her arms over her chest as Kate shook her head.

"I think I could maybe manage." Kate smiled as Aaron snuggled his head on her shoulder and stuck a finger in his mouth.

"Aw, I think little Roo is tired." Claire nodded at Kate with a small smile. "And I don't think he wants to leave his auntie Kate." She opened the tent flap and nodded for Kate to go out ahead of her. Kate walked out onto the beach and looked at the sunset's reflection in the water while she waited for Claire to take the lead.

"Why would he want to leave me? He knows who's going to spoil him the most." She winked back at Claire. "Besides, he's gotta love me for giving him someone closer to his age to have for a friend." Claire nodded at Kate and chuckled.

"I suppose you're right." Claire looked forward towards the area outside of Sawyer and Kate's tent. "Oh, I didn't know that Locke played cards…" Kate looked towards the tent and noticed Sawyer, Hurley, and Locke sitting down with a deck of cards.

"Weird. I thought it was just going to be Hurley and Sawyer today… he didn't mention Locke possibly coming out. I didn't even know Locke came out of the hatch anymore." Kate shrugged, walking towards the men with Claire. "Hey guys." Hurley looked up first.

"Hey dudes, little dude." He smiled before looking back down at his cards with a slight frown.

"Hello Kathrine. How are you Claire?" Locke looked up at the two women with a smile. Kate nodded, grimacing slightly at the name.

"I'm fine John. How are you?" Claire smiled, nodding friendly at the man before turning to look at Sawyer, who was just staring at Kate.

His eyes were resting on Aaron, lying comfortably on Kate's shoulder, snuggled close. There was something about Kate that was just so maternal and loving. It was a side of her that he wasn't used to seeing all the time and he loved it about her.

"Hey Freckles." Sawyer had a small smile on his face as she looked down at him.

"Hey." Kate nodded down at him, holding Aaron a bit closer and returning his smile with a nod. Hurley looked up at the two of them.

"Dude… are you ok? It's your turn." Sawyer turned to Hurley, jumped out of his dazed state of mind.

"Yeah... I guess it is." He turned to the women with a smile. "I gotta put this hand down now, y'all wanna join in?"

"Sure." Claire smiled as Hurley and Sawyer moved so that they could sit down. Sawyer's eyes fell to Aaron, who had fallen asleep now. A small trail of drool trailing out his mouth and onto the shoulder of Kate's shirt. He smiled and leaned over closer to her as he laid down his cards.

"Baby drool looks good on you Freckles."


	12. Chapter 12

"Dude, that is so not cool. Not cool at all." Hurley shook his head and Claire laughed, loving the look on Hurley's face as he saw Sawyer's cards and threw his own down at the table, face-down.

"I think he's out." Claire said, trying to hold back her laughter. Sawyer turned to Claire with a grin.

"So Mamacita, what'dya got?" Claire shook her head and shrugged.

"I fold." Laying down her cards, she shook her head, not upset about losing the hand at all. She was just entertained to see Hurley's responses to Sawyer's winning hand every single time. Locke had gone back to the hatch almost as soon as the girls had gotten there.

Sawyer turned his attention to Kate, who was still holding Aaron and now using one hand to hold onto her cards. "What'll it be Freckles?" Sawyer nodded down at her cards and she looked up at him with a small smirk, laying down the cards. Sawyer's face dropped slightly and Claire laughed.

"Wow Kate, great hand! How did you manage to not smile at all with that?" Claire watched Sawyer's face as he lost for the first time that night. He looked utterly confused and bewildered that he had lost. He had been so sure that he had won.

"It's called a poker face Claire." Kate nodded with a small grin, as she reached over and took the Oreos that were sitting in the middle of the table. Sawyer shook his head.

"Let's play again." Everyone was quiet as they looked between the two people sitting next to each other with great intensity. Kate and Sawyer's eyes met and they just sat there, the only movement coming when Kate situated Aaron better on her shoulder as the boy was starting to get heavy.

Everyone around the table noticed the sparks that seemed to be flying through the air between the two, the tension and the unspoken argument going on. Claire fought back the urge to stand up and take her son away from the danger zone that had seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"You're kidding Sawyer." 

"No I'm not. Let's play again. You and I, one more round." Sawyer nodded at her, his face telling her he was completely serious and unwilling to take 'no' for an answer.

"I'm not playing another round Sawyer. It's just a stupid game." Kate shook her head, standing up with only a slight struggle and turning around, telling him that the conversation was over with.

"Sit down and play!" His loud voice and abrupt demand worked to both jump Claire and Hurley and cause Aaron to wake up. Kate turned and glared at Sawyer as the small boy began to whimper in fear. She turned her head and kissed him softly, moving to cradle him in her arms and rock him back and forth.

"Nice going Sawyer. I hope you're happy now." She shook her head shooting an apologetic look at Claire who shook her head at Kate, trying to convey the message that it would be fine and it was nothing for her to get into a fight with Sawyer about.

Not that it would do any good. The fight was already started.

"Don't try to act as if that was my fault. I didn't do…"

"You just screamed and woke him up Sawyer!"

"I didn't scream." Sawyer stood up, fire in his eyes and his jaw clenched tightly shut. Kate shook her head, but Claire stood up, getting between the two of them.

"Don't." She looked at Kate and then turned to Sawyer, holding his gaze. "Just don't." Sawyer opened his mouth to speak but Claire held up a finger. "Drop it Sawyer. Just let it go." Claire turned around and walked up to Kate, taking Aaron in her arms and giving Kate a quick hug.

"Ah well then. If Mother Claire says to stop…"

"Why don't you just leave her alone Sawyer? She's just trying…"

"Kate." Claire turned to her sighing slightly and shaking her head. "Come on… just please…" She reached forward and grasped her arm gently. She kept her voice low so that no one else heard her words. "Let it go Kate. You don't need this now. Not today." Claire shook her head, shifting Aaron over to her hip and dropping her hand. "You could try just talking to him."

"Fighting works for us Claire."

"It's not going to work for the baby. It won't work when the baby comes Kate, so you two need to find some other way of getting your point across to each other." Claire nodded, turned to Sawyer and shooting him a disappointed look, which he returned with a painfully sarcastic sad face before she shook her head and walked off.

Hurley looked between Kate and Sawyer and shook his head, turning to walk away. He was only a few feet before he turned back around to face them. "Dudes… you like… need help." With those words of wisdom, he turned around and was on his way.

That left Kate and Sawyer alone again. Sawyer turned to Kate to see her arms wrapped around her stomach and a far-off look in her eyes. He knew imeadiatly that whatever Claire had said to her and really gotten to her. He sighed, not moving towards her at all.

"Some party huh Freckles?" He studied her face as she made no sign that she had even heard him at all. He coughed slightly and shoved his hands in his back pockets. "Freckles…"

"I'm tired." Kate's voice was quiet and she dropped her gaze to the ground. He sighed and nodded.

"Yeah." Sawyer watched her as she crossed the ground and walked into the tent before he followed her. She moved around slightly and gripped the bottom of her shirt, pulling it over her head and reaching for her white night shirt. Sawyer walked up to the bed and sat down, pulling off his own shirt and tossing it to the floor. He watched Kate as she silently pulled on the shirt.

"Hey Freckles?" Sawyer bit his lip, sitting up straighter as Kate turned and finally made eye contact with him. She didn't look impressed.

"What now Sawyer?"

"I just… I don't understand…" He rose an eyebrow. "I mean… I didn't mean to wake up Aaron." He looked down, that was as close to an apology as he could muster, and when he looked back up, he saw that she seemed to be accepting that and was getting a bit warmer, sitting down next to him. He shook his head. "But I really don't understand…"

"You think you're the only one who knows how to stack a deck?" Kate smirked as Sawyer turned, his mouth slightly agape and he had to blink a few times.

"You mean… you?" Sawyer shook his head as Kate nodded. A smile appeared on his face. "Freckles, you have no idea just how much hotter you just got right now." Sawyer leaned towards her and captured her lips in a kiss, pushing her back onto their bed.


	13. Chapter 13

Kate ran through the jungle as fast as she could. Her legs felt as if they were about to fall off, and that sense of freedom and relief that normally accompanied that feeling wasn't there. Her heart was pounding and her breathing was heavy and ragged. She felt like her lungs were full of water and every step she took was like being stabbed with twenty knifes.

Consciousness wavered and everything became blurry as she continued her run. The sounds of the jungle all merged together and she could hear the sound of clicking far-off and whispers that sounded like they were being said into her own ears, rather then someone deeper into the jungle.

She ran towards the voices, towards the clicking. She didn't know why, she just knew in her mind that she was better off there. That it was safer then the alternative. She couldn't make herself stop running. She knew that he was there, behind her. He was close.

Her eyes clamped shut as she continued her maneuver through the jungle, she knew where every root and rock lay, she knew exactly where to step without seeing it. She had run this path before, many times. She could run this in her sleep.

Then she heard it, the sickening sound ahead of her. Somehow he had found a shortcut and without her noticing it, had cut her off. Her run was steady and there was nothing she could do to slow herself down or stop. She was trapped and she knew that when he got to her, it was over.

A crash and then strong arms were around her. She let out a cry of agony as she was pulled closer to the man's body.

"Stop running Freckles." His voice was rough and she was forced to look up at him. His eyes were full of anger and hate. Hate for her. She tried to speak but a mangled whimper was all that had left her mouth. He knew what she was feeling, he could hear her every thought and feel her pain. And he needed it to stop.

She pushed back from him, trying to get his arms off of her. "Stop it." Her struggle increased at the sound of his voice.

"No… please… no." Kate pushed away finally and turned to take off again.

"You killed it Kate. You killed our baby." He grabbed her arm roughly.

"She was… evil. Dark."

"She was good."

"She was yours Sawyer." She turned around, hatred in her eyes coming with the fear. "Nothing of yours would ever be good. If she had been Jack's…" With those words, he slammed his closed fist across her jaw, knocking her down and wetting his rough knuckles with her crimson blood. His assault didn't stop there. He dropped to his knees and pounded his fist against her temple, hearing her neck snap under the force. A smile came across his face and a feeling of peace washed over him as he stood up, looking over her now lifeless body. She was bathed in sweat and blood.

---

"Sawyer? Sawyer? Sawyer!" Sawyer opened his eyes, pushing away the person next to him and sitting up with a new level of self-loathing. He looked down at his knuckles and tried to catch his breath as the fear and reality of what he had just done hit him. But he was bathed in confusion when he noticed there was no blood.

"What…"

"Sawyer…" Sawyer turned around to see her face.

"Kate!" He shook his head and pulled her to his chest, kissing her forehead in the process. He rocked back and forth slightly. "I am so sorry… I… I'm sorry Kate."

"Sawyer? Why are you sorry? What's wrong?" Sawyer pushed her away, standing up. Kate just sat there and watched him, more questions pouring into her mind.

"I have to go."

"What? No Sawyer, why?" Kate stood up, reaching out to his arm, trying desperately to pull him back to her, to snap him out of his frantic state. As soon as her hand connected with his arm, he pulled away violently.

"Don't." He turned around, grabbing his shirt and pulling it on. He dove towards the door, but Kate had pulled him back, causing them both to fall back to the sand, Sawyer struggling to stand back up, but he stopped when he realized that she had fallen rather roughly.

He didn't know much about pregnancies, but he knew that falling down was never good for the baby. She noticed his struggle die down and held him closer rocking him back and forth, she kissed his forehead. "Sawyer…"

"I have to go Freckles. You have to let me go." Sawyer couldn't turn to look at her, and he sat up, pulling out of her grip as she loosened it in her confusion. Kate shook her head, still she couldn't think of why he wanted to leave her so badly, why he thought he couldn't be near her.

"Why?" her voice wavered, threatening to break, causing his heart to lurch. He closed his eyes, his thoughts going back to her lifeless body on the jungle floor, the blood that stained her face and his knuckles. He stood up, leaving her alone, kneeling on the ground. He didn't need to see her to know that the tears were streaming down her face.

"Because I don't want to hurt you."

"What…"

"If I don't leave right now… I'll kill you Kate." His voice was quiet and his hand rested on the tent flap. "And that's not just my worst fear… that's the truth." Sawyer sighed, pushing open the flap.

"Sawyer, please…" She stood up, placing a hand on his back. "It… it was just a nightmare. You know…"

"I know you're better off without me Freckles." He closed his eyes and swallowed a lump in his throat as he focused on the hand resting on his back. He wanted more then anything to just be able to turn around and go back to bed with her. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't put her in danger like that.

Everyone always knew that they wouldn't work. Him and Kate weren't supposed to be together forever, they were just the people who got together and went at it, they didn't get to have anything more. They could never know love, and it was time to stop pretending. It was time to stop the wishful thinking, and leave.

"No Sawyer, I'm not. I can't do it without you… I can't…" Kate's voice showed the desperation that must have been mirrored in her eyes. He almost turned around and pulled her to himself, he wanted to hold her in her arms and promise everything would be ok. But he couldn't do that to her. He knew it was a lie.

Taking a deep breath, Sawyer prepared himself to do some of the best acting he'd ever done in his life. And it was going to take a lot to get it past Kate. He pulled away from her roughly turning his glare on her, but not letting his mind think about what he saw when he looked at her. He wouldn't think about the tears and the pain in her eyes, this was all about saving her. He started to speak to her, in a voice with overflowing hatred, making it seem like it was for her.

"Don't you get it Kathrine? I'm trying to get away from you! I don't want this baby, I don't want you anymore, and I was just going to leave and let you think it was because I didn't want to hurt you, but you had to keep pushing girl." He shook his head. "So I'll just say it; I don't love you. Never did. So leave me alone and let me go. Because you're suffocating me, and I'm done putting up with it. It's over!" Sawyer watched her take a few steps back, the tears falling harder now, but she kept the cries silent.

It was clear she had fallen for his act as she brought a fist against his cheek, causing him to stumble back slightly. She bit back her sobs and back up towards the bed, sitting down and digging her nails into the mattress. Sawyer wanted to run off. He hated himself even more, and wished that she had hit him even harder. He wished she had knocked him off his feet and he wished that he hadn't expected that kind of reaction.

With an overwhelming sense of self-hatred he nodded down at her, turning around and pushing open the flap. "Glad we have an understanding." As he walked away from the tent, he could hear her sobs finally break through the barrier she had set up. His teeth sank into his bottom lip, bringing blood to the surface. It did nothing to ease the numbness that had set in.

As soon as he stepped into the jungle he took off, almost at a run, wanting to be as far away from her as he could possibly get.


	14. Chapter 14

Claire shook her head, moving her hand over Kate's forehead and brushing back a strand of hair. Kate's eyes were closed and she sank away from Claire's touch. "So he just… left?"

"Yeah." Kate opened her eyes, turning her head to the side. "He hates me."

"No he doesn't." Claire sat down on the bed next to Kate, who shuffled away from her.

"Yes. He wouldn't have said it if it wasn't true. Sawyer wouldn't…"

"Kate…" Claire touched Kate's arm, but Kate just pulled away.

"Look… I just… I wanna be alone."

"You sure that's such a great idea babe?"

"Claire, please." She hugged her arms tightly to herself, trying to build up her walls again. Silently, Claire stood up, knowing it would be useless to try and talk to Kate now, and walked out of the tent.

---

Sawyer fell to his knees deep in the jungle, his breathing was quick. His arms grasped for something to hold on to and he got a grip on a tree close by him. He moved from his knees to a normal sitting position, looking around the jungle at his surroundings. Everything was so quiet and the loneliness of the spot got to him as soon as his feet had stopped running.

The sounds of the jungle surrounded him as he closed his eyes, letting his head fall back onto the bark of the tree. "I'm sorry Freckles."

---

Kate moved around the tent, tearing the place apart in a search. She picked up a pillow and threw it against the tent wall, looking down to see a piece of paper lying on the bed. She reached over and grasped it in her hand, pulling it up and running her fingers along the envelope.

With baited breath, she turned the envelope, tracing the seal on the back of it with a fingernail. Sitting down on the side of the bed, she slid it open and removed the letter inside. Her breathing got ragged as she unfolded the tattered piece of paper and blinked back a few tears as she started to read it.

"Dear Mr. Sawyer…." Her eyes ran down the page as she just looked at the writing, not needing to read the words. She had them memorized. The words had stuck in her mind since the first time she read it and she had remembered every word without ever needing to touch the paper again. She knew the emotions the letter held for Sawyer all too well. They had a connection, their pasts had drawn them together, it was the way they had worked. No one else understood them the way they understood each other, and there was no way anyone else could.

Had she imagined it all? Had everything she believed that they had together been a joke to him? Had he really felt nothing for her? His eyes burned in her mind, the hatred in them, but then… he couldn't have acted that fear, he couldn't have just woken up with a need to push her away and made up an excuse, telling her that he had to leave because he was going to hurt her if he didn't.

He hadn't. Her eyes on the letter she held in her hands, she came to that conclusion. Somehow, everything went together. He hadn't been faking when he woke up, he had been faking when he left. It was something that happened too much, that was something you'd hear about or watch, but you'd never think it was going to happen to you.

He was trying to hurt her, so that in his mind he could be saving her.

With this new and sudden realization, she stood up, closing the letter and sliding it into the envelope, and grabbed a bag, stuffing in a shirt, a few pieces of fruit, and two waterbottles.

"Kate? What are you doing?" Claire walked in the door, Jack following behind with Aaron in his arms, no doubt giving him the checkup that he had promised Claire he would do every once and a while so the boy wouldn't get sick again. Both of them were looking at Kate, worried. "I came in here three hours ago and you wouldn't move, now you're running around like a crazy person. What's wrong?" Claire's eyes went to the bag. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going after Sawyer." Kate slid the bag over her shoulders and turned towards them, waiting for them to move so she could start the journey.

"What? No Kate. You can't."

"Move Claire." Kate shook her head as Claire walked over and took her arm.

"I can't let you do this Kate. What if something happens?" Claire searched her brain for a way to keep Kate there, as Jack just watched their conversation, both of them being stubborn and neither of them remembering his presence anymore.

"I can track him down Claire. I need to get him back here."

"It's too dangerous Kate."

"I'm a big girl Claire."

"What about the baby?"

"Baby?" Kate and Claire turned to Jack as he had finally spoken up. Both women were silent and Claire immediately mentally kicked herself. Kate's eyes fell when she finally spoke.

"I… uh… Sawyer…" She didn't need to say anymore, Jack got the picture. He ignored the stabbing pain he felt, telling himself he had no right to be jealous, it had been his fault he and Kate didn't work out. Finally he looked back up, shaking his head.

"Claire's right. It's too dangerous."

"Jack…"

"I'll go out and find him." Jack offered, moving closer to her. "You need to lie down and try to relax." Kate gently pushed his arm away, looking into his eyes with an apology.

"It won't work Jack. That time is over. If I don't go, he won't come back. You and I both know that. I have to do this Jack." She situated the bag on her back and pushed Jack lightly, walking past him and Claire, hearing Aaron's gurgle behind her, she couldn't turn and look at him. "I'll be fine. I'm bringing him back." Without giving them a chance to recover and argue again, Kate took off at a jog into the jungle.


	15. Chapter 15

The trek into the jungle was hard and every step she took was filled with caution. She had to find him quickly. Things were getting too out of hand and she knew if she didn't find him soon it'd be too late. Her heart was beating hard and she could swear that the Others must be able to hear it. She was wary of walking through the jungle suddenly. She was alone now, and close to the line. The one she wasn't to cross. 

Her hand rested on her stomach as the fear forced its way back into her mind that they knew. They knew she was pregnant and they were going to come after her. How could they know? Actually, how could they not know? Her mind was racing and her steps got a bit faster. Where could he be? Had he crossed the line? She shook her head, he hated himself but he wouldn't. But that voice wasn't very convincing either.

Her steps seemed to crunch louder and her breathing seemed to echo off the trees, competing with her heart on who could be the loudest. It would be her downfall. There was no way that the Others wouldn't hear her coming. She felt like a clumsy, giant high school student trying to hide in a crowd of kindergarteners.

With a sigh Kate gave up the fight of trying to stay as silent as she could and took a deep breath. Leaning up against a tree for support she cupped her hands to her mouth. "Sawyer? Sawyer!" She paused, praying to hear a sarcastic remark about how she didn't have to scream so loud or something. She wanted him to walk out of the bushes and tell her she was giving him a headache. But there was no Sawyer.

She sighed and took a deeper breath. "Sawyer! Where are you? You have to come back right now." She shook her head. "Don't hide from me Sawyer. I can't live like this. Please." She paused, still no sound of movement. "I'm not going back to the beach until you come back to me Sawyer!" She closed her eyes, waiting to hear something.

After a long pause she took a deep breath, getting ready to speak again. That's when she heard a noise in the bushes behind her. She turned around, watching the green foliage of the jungle with great interest. She stepped forward a bit. "Sawyer?"

---

Sawyer sighed, he felt stupid and disgusting. He was dirt, lower then dirt. He had hurt her and there was no turning back from it. She had probably gotten into his stash by now, he was certain she knew where the guns were, though he had never came out and just told her, and she had told that to Jack when he asked about the guns, she had to know where they were. Yes, she had a gun and was just waiting for him to come back to the beach so she could kill him.

If he had actually believed that was what was waiting for him back at his tent, he would've returned right then and there. He deserved death, and she had every right to be the one to pull the trigger. In his mind, she was one of the few who had a right to pull the trigger on him. Sure, he had wronged everyone, he had conned them all, but those who were affected by it had deserved it. Everyone but her.

The other person he felt on the island that had a right to shoot him was Michael. He had let him down and watched the Others take off with his son. He was the only one on that raft who had a gun, and he had hesitated before pulling it out. That was his fault, and that was why Michael was the only person on the island besides Kate that he wouldn't fight back. If either of them decided to pull out a gun, Sawyer would let that be the end.

But Kate wouldn't have a gun. She'd be confused and hurt, but she wouldn't want him dead. She'd want answers. She'd need to know why. And then she'd ask him why he pretended so long. He didn't think he could look her in the eye and lie about it anymore. And he certainly couldn't do it right then, so soon after their last fight. After all the lies he had told her.

But she already knew, she must've figured it out by now. It was Kate. The girl who figured out the secret of his letter, who'd known and called him out as not being the Sawyer the letter was written for. She had to know already that he had been lying.

"Sawyer! Where are you? You have to come back right now." Sawyer froze as he heard her voice, trying to figure out if he was actually hearing her or if this was all part of his imagination. She sounded far off, and he sat up, trying to focus on the sounds of the jungle. If it was her, she'd speak again.

"Don't hide from me Sawyer. I can't live like this. Please." There was a pause and he nodded, standing up and looking around as if he could see her, despite the fact that she sounded far off.

"Freckles?"

"I'm not going back to the beach until you come back to me Sawyer!" Sawyer closed his eyes, he took a step back. He couldn't go back to her. He would just have to wait for her to understand that. He couldn't see her, he worked too hard to push her away.

But she was in the jungle now, their jungle. And she said she wasn't leaving. What if they knew about the baby? They had kidnapped Claire because they wanted her baby hadn't they? They had taken the French Chick's baby. The Others seemed to be in the baby snatching business, so Kate might not be all too safe in the jungle. Sure she wasn't showing, but they knew a lot.

Sawyer's eyes snapped open and he nodded, pushing off the tree and running through the jungle, hoping he was going towards the noise. It had been echoing, so he could only use his best judgment of where the noise had come from. He had to get to her quick. He knew with every fiber of his being that she was in trouble.

---

"I'm afraid not sweatheart." Kate took a step back and shook her head.

"No…"

"Miss me?"

"Get away from me." Kate's voice was hushed and tears built up in her eyes as she looked at the man in front of her. His beard, shaggy clothes, and sweaty, dirty skin was all too familiar to her. Kate's hand dug into her pocket and she pulled it back out, her fist closed tightly around a small object. The man in front of her took a step forward and shook his head. "I'll scream."

"He doesn't care."

"Yes he does." Kate's eyes showed her confidence and 'Zeke' nodded slightly, knowing it was useless to argue with the girl here. Stupid too, if his instincts and spies were right, Sawyer was on his way. He needed to work fast.

"Fine then, he might care. But it doesn't matter." The man's smile grew. "He won't hear you." Kate felt arms wrap around her from the back and a warm, damp cloth covered her mouth. Her hand that had been balled into a fist opened up and the object fell out, neither man seemed to notice. She struggled as much as she could before blacking out completely. The man who had been standing before her smiled. "Don't bother tying her up, just bring her, we'll take care of her when we get back, she's out."

---

Sawyer ran through the clearing, panic building up inside him. She shouldn't have been this far away. "Freckles! Freckles!" He sighed, running a hand through his hair aggitated. "Kate!"

He stopped running to catch his breath and look around. An object on the ground caught his attention and he knelt down to scoop it up. He shook his head, knowing that his fears were reality in that moment as he looked down at Kate's toy airplane. He looked back up at the jungle foilage before closing his hand around the object, feeling rage build up inside of him.

He turned around to head towards the beach again, he could get there from here. And once he got all the guns in his stash, and found Michael to join him, he was coming back out, and he was going to settle this fued with the Others once and for all.


	16. Chapter 16

"Sawyer... we've been traveling through this jungle for months. She's gone. They're not giving her back. They don't want to be found." Jack sighed, fumbling with the gun in his hands aggitatedly. He hated admitting defete, but they had lost. She wasn't coming back."

"Then go back Doc. You always want to anyways. Everytime we get a single clue, you force us to go back."

"Sawyer, it's been six months..."

"Seven. It's been seven months Jack. We need to find her. Unless you've forgotten what Claire said." Sawyer looked at Jack, who's eyes drifted to the ground.

"Sawyer..."

"Wasn't it something about them planning to kill her when the baby was born?" Sawyer's glare didn't leave Jack, who seemed nervous and twitched under Sawyer's glare.

"We're not gonna find her. And even if we do, there's nothing we'll be able to do to save her Sawyer. It's time to stop pretending." Jack back up, shaking his head. "I'm going back to camp Sawyer."

"Go on then." Sawyer turned around, walking into the jungle alone once again, with a 9mm in his hand and a rifle over his shoulder.

---

Kate rested her hand against her head with a sigh. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can Kate."

"I don't remember anything about that time in my life. I don't know who the baby's father is. What kind of a mother could I be?"

"That's why I'm here."

"Oh yeah, and you were a great mother Diane. Turning me into the cops and all." Kate shook her head, standing up and walking across the room. The woman in front of her was shaking her head and letting blonde hair fall over her shoulders. She was dressed in a yellow dress with an apron on as if she'd just come home from work.

"Katie. I was scared. I didn't understand why you did what you did.. I didn't know..."

"You didn't understand why I hated Wayne?"

"I didn't know my baby girl was capable of just taking another human beings life like that, no matter what she thought of them. I thought my baby girl was raised better." Kate shook her head, glarring at her mother, who sighed. "Look, does any of that matter now? I'm trying to make up for it. Harboring a fugitive down here in the woods while you're knocked up with some wierd form of 'amneisa' and don't remember anything besides being on the run in Austrailia and falling asleep in some random barn?"

"Your daughter. I'm not just a fugitive I'm your daughter." She shook her head. "And you made me this way. So don't even..."

"Don't blame your mistakes on me." Diane glarred at Kate. Kate sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"I can't do this right now. I'm gonna go lie down." As Kate stood at the doorway she felt a strange feeling sweep over her. She didn't remember feeling it before. "Woah..." She moved her hand to her stomach.

"What?" Diane was over by her side in a minute. "What is it?"

"It's this dull.. well.. not really a pain but..." Kate scrunched her eyebrows at Diane's small smile. "What?"

"That's the baby kicking doll. 'Bout time too. I'd say it's a late bloomer." Diane's smile quickly faded at Kate's far off gaze. She looked confused and upset about something, not a normal thing for a first time the baby kicks. "What is it Sweatie?"

"Sawyer." Kate's voice was quiet and distracted.

"What?" Diane tried to keep her panic hidden and Kate looked at her accusingly.

"The baby's father... is Sawyer. Flight 815... the owner of the barn was Ray... Sawyer left. I went to get him... that man... you..." Kate pulled away from Diane's grip who shook her head, grabbing a walkie-talkie off the wall.

"We have a code-blue. She..." Kate grabbed the small radio and smashed her mother across the face with it, not feeling bad about it at all in that moment. She turned around and pushed out the small door. There was already an alarm flashing in the damp hall. She could hear footsteps and she shook her head, taking off to the side, running through the hall as fast as she could.

She felt a hand on her arm and she pulled away, she was about to yell out when she felt a hand place itself lightly over her mouth.

"Hush Kate. It's ok. I'm here to help." She turned around to see a girl in her teens with dark hair running beside her. Kate nodded slightly, she knew this was one of them, but she also knew somehow that she could be trusted.

---

Sawyer gripped his gun, walking through the jungle as a sense of danger approaching washed over him. He gripped his gun tighter, looking around.

---

"This way." The girl pushed aside a hidden door and closed it tightly before running with Kate into the woods. She walked a ways in and nodded ahead of her. "Walk that way and you should run into him soon. He'll be looking for you." She said softly, before backing up. Kate nodded at the woman.

"Thank-you." She whispered before turning around and walking deeper in the jungle, confused at the bits and pieces of memory that were coming through.

---

Sawyer heard a noise in the bushes just ahead and froze, pointing his gun towards the noise. "Alright you son of a bitch. Get your ass out here." He glarred at the leaves and heard ragged breathing, then someone stepped out of the bushes. He shook his head in disbelief. "Kate?"

Kate stared at him in confusion before smiling a bit. "Sawyer?" He nodded and stepped forward, his eyes drawn to her stomach, which was a lot bigger then it had been the last time he'd seen it. Before he knew it she had rushed forward into his arms.

"Kate? What happened?" She burried her face in his chest for a minute before pulling back. "Did they hurt you?" She shook her head.

"No. They didn't touch me.. I'm ok. They said.. they were just taking care of the baby." Sawyer bit his lip, a small part of him wondering if she might've been safer with them. He didn't want to believe that. She belonged with him.

"You're ok?" There was another shift of the branches and a dark figure walked out.

"She's fine. And she's gonna be fine if she's a good girl and comes with us." Sawyer knew it was him by the voice even before he stepped closer to the light so he could see his face. Sawyer swallowed hard, a glare resting on the man in front of him.

"She ain't going with you Zeke." 'Zeke' shook his head, ignoring Sawyer and looking at Kate.

"Alright Kate. You've seen him, he knows you're ok. Now… come back with us." Kate whimpered, pressing herself closer to Sawyer. She felt his grip on her tighten and she could feel his entire body tense up at the idea of losing her again.

"Ain't no way in hell she's goin' back with you Zeke." His voice got sterner and his glare got more threatening.

"This isn't your call James, it's hers. You didn't save her, she ran off herself. You're not a good person, so it would be cruel of us to let that baby stay with you, to let it be influenced by you. We need to take it. And that means we gotta take the girl right now." His face lit up with an evil smile as he nodded towards Kate. "Come on Kate."

"Get lost you son of a bitch. She's not going with you." Sawyer pushed aside the nagging voice and steady fear that what the man in torn and dirty clothes before him was saying was completely true. He wasn't giving up Kate. Just looking at her reaction to the man's presence killed the tiny voice suggesting that she might be better off or safer with them. He knew she needed him right then, and he wasn't going to let her down again.

"That's enough." The man's face got dark as he turned a glare on Kate. "Kate, you're going to come. Now!" Kate let out a scream and covered her ears, feeling her knees grow weak. Sawyer held her as tight as he dared to. "Kate." A shiver of fear ran down Sawyer's spine at the man's voice. He lowered his mouth and kissed Kate's forehead as he felt her shudder in fear and a look of almost pain took over her features. He wanted to tell her it was all going to be over soon, it would all be ok, but he couldn't say anything. So he hoped the kiss had told her.

He didn't process when she pulled away, that she had somehow gotten out of his grip and began walking over to the enemy. When he snapped out of his daze, he saw how dangerously close she was to them.

"Kate? Kate! Come back. Come on Freckles…" Sawyer frantically tried to call her back, to understand why she was walking back to them. It didn't make any sense. Surely she hadn't thought of that kiss as a good-bye kiss. She must've known he would fight to the death to keep her with him, to keep her safe. Was she really willing to give their baby over to them?

Sawyer watched, as if in slow motion as the man stepped towards her with his evil grin in place again. His questions about her willingly giving up the baby were proved wrong by the whimper of fear that he heard escape her lips. Somehow they were making her do this. She seemed stiff, like she didn't have control over her own body and had no choice but to walk towards the waiting man. The world stuck in slow motion still as Sawyer noticed the man's hand reach out for her arm. His Kate. And he was just watching as she was visably shaking in fear. Rough, callused finger's brushed the soft skin of her arm and he got ready to pull her towards huimself. Sawyer was surprised to see how slow everything went, and even more surprised to see that the man's hand never closed around her arm. He hadn't even heard the gunshot.

Kate stepped back, the sound of the gunshot terrifying her. She could see Sawyer lying on the ground, bleeding from the chest, the bullet would be shot just right, so he would suffer greatly before he died. But he'd be dead, and it would be her fault. Then she looked at the man in front of her, noticing a look of pain and shock on his face. He fell to his knees, clutching his stomach, blood seeping through his shirt. Her hand raised to her stomach and she just looked down at the man for a second, trying to understand what had happened.

Sawyer's eyes were drawn to the gun in his hand. He didn't remember holding it out, he didn't remember getting ready to shoot it, he didn't remember pulling the trigger, but the gun was still hot from the bullet passing through at high speed. His eyes shot back to them. Kate seemed to be in shock and his mind went to the worst possibilities. She had been standing right next to him. Had he hurt her? Had the bullet grazed her? His mouth went dry as he watched her. The jungle seemed silent and still. He knew the rest of them had to be around. They had to have heard it. He had to get out of there fast, he had to get her away.

"Kate?" His voice was shaky and sounded painful. She turned towards him, registering that he did it. He had pulled the trigger. Sawyer was alive, and he had just killed her captor. He saved her. She rushed towards him and flung her arms around him quickly, pushing herself closer to him and he stood shocked for a bit before responding and lifting her arms to his back. He held her and felt her warm tears on his neck. "You ok?" 

"Yea... no." She sighed, her body still shaking as she spoke, her voice quiet. "I couldn't.. I couldn't resit his order.. I couldn't control..." She tightened her grip on him and he nodded, resting his head on top of hers. "I wanna go home Sawyer." She whispered before pulling back to look at him. He could tell what she meant. The beach. Their home now. He nodded slowly, running a hand over her cheek before leaning in to place a very soft and short kiss on her lips.

"Ok. Then let's get you home." He looked at the body on the ground once more, then out at the jungle before putting a hand on her back and turning, walking towards the camp, he heard rustling behind them and nodded at her, pushing her a little faster. They shared a knowing look, the other's were coming. And they had to be out of sight.


	17. Chapter 17

The thing that pulled Sawyer out of his dazed state of mind, was the sound of heavy breathing. He noticed that Kate had begun to lean more of her weight on him and her eyelids were drooping slightly. He moved his hand over her arm slowly and turned his head a bit, kissing her forehead. After a quick look around to see where they were, he knew they were still a ways away from the camp.

Not too far off, he noticed the opening to a cave. Despite the fact that he didn't like the thought of her sleeping on the stone ground, still in the jungle- their jungle, he knew they couldn't make it. She was exhausted and still weak from whatever she had been through. She definitely needed a rest and a good night's sleep before they got back.

Turning her towards the cave entrance he walked slowly, making sure she was leaning as much weight on him as she could without having him carry her. It seemed to take forever to walk the few yards to the cave and he could tell as soon as he started to enter that it made her uneasy.

"Sawyer? What are we doing we need to keep…"

"What you need to do is get some rest Freckles. We're not gonna make it back tonight anyways and I'd much rather travel in the daytime then walk blindly through the jungle at night. Kinda like askin' fer trouble ain't it?" Sawyer led her deeper into the cave, wanting to be as far from the mouth as he could. Normally he would've had her wait while he checked it out to make sure it was safe, but he couldn't let her out of his sight out in the jungle, even for a moment.

Kate didn't struggle against him, just seemed to slump more and sigh in releif as he declared it safe for the night. Moving closer to the wall he helped support her as she moved away from him and leaned against the wall, sliding down to a sitting position. Her hand was resting on her swollen stomach and she was panting hard, trying to keep herself awake.

Sawyer sighed slightly, moving to lean against the cave wall next to where she sat. He stared at the cave entrance for a long time before sliding down next to her and resting an arm across her shoulders. He pulled her close to himself and rested his chin on her head as she let herself be held against his chest.

Without saying anything else, she brought an arm up and placed it across his chest, clinging onto him tightly as she could, she bit her bottom lip hard. His hand went to her back and as soon as she felt his palm resting against her back protectively she started to cry.

Sawyer sat still, not moving at all as he felt her body shake with the power of her sobs. He didn't move his eyes from the entrance as he pressed his back against the cave wall. He was going to do everything in his power to make sure that they never touched her again. He let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding when he felt her sobs die down and noticed that her breathing had returned to a steady, normal pace.

He chanced a quick look from the entrance to her face and saw the tear marks on her cheeks. He reached over her with his free hand and wiped her cheek softly. Shifting slowly he gripped her tightly, moving her to a reclining position on the ground. As he situated her to make her more comfortable and made sure not to wake her, his hand gently brushed her stomach.

Sawyer felt his heart leap into his throat as he finished the job and kept his eyes on the bulge under her shirt. Once he was sure she was as perfect as she was getting, he moved to lean against the wall to, sliding in close to her and lifting her head slightly, resting it back down on his lap. His eyes were glued to her face as she slept, she made no move or indication that she was dreaming, but her emotionless face still held a glow that hypnotized him.

His hand rested on her stomach again, his eyes not leaving her face. His ears were listening, ever on alert, for any sounds of any of them approaching. They had to know by now. They had been coming when they left the body, surely they were on their way to find them now. For a moment, he wondered what they had done with it. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind, reminding himself that he didn't care, that 'Zeke' had gotten what he deserved. One look at Kate remind Sawyer just why he had pulled that trigger.

"I love you Kate." He stroked her cheek softly before looking up again, watching the entrance again, this time with a new fire in his eyes, just daring one of them to walk into the cave in that moment.


	18. Chapter 18

Sawyer looked down at Kate's form as she twisted slightly in her sleep. His hand brushed through her hair as he sighed, gripping her shoulder with one hand. He shook her gently, but still she whimpered and tossed.

"Come on Freckles. Wake up." He said, tapping a finger against her cheek. "Gotta leave dreamland now Sweatcheeks." She twisted a bit more and he sighed, placing his hands on her back and lifting her a bit to a sitting position. When she was to his chest he leaned his head down and captured her lips, kissing her softly.

His fingers caressed her back as he lazily slid his lips over hers, a hand resting on the back of her neck with its thumb running over her jaw. He pulled back and held her closer as her face softened and her breathing fell back to a rhythmic pattern. She was asleep still, but he allowed himself to smile a bit, having succeeded in taking away the nightmare.

Sawyer kept his back against the cold stone of the wall behind him and kept his eyes on the entrance. He didn't feel tired at all, even though he was sure he was into a deep stage of exhaustion now. He wouldn't sleep, not until she was back at the camp and resting next to him so he'd know she was safe.

He watched as the sun rose into the sky, the jungle was painted an array of new colors and he watched it go through the spectrum closely, holding Kate's warm body to his chest, feeling her breath on his neck. He breathed in through his nose and noticed that the jungle seemed to be alive with fresh morning dew that mixed perfectly. Everything was peaceful.

"We lost 'em."

"We didn't lose them." Voices spoke out in the jungle, disgusted and sounding upset. Sawyer clung tighter to Kate and placed his lips to the side of her head, kissing her softly.

"Oh, so where are they huh?"

"We're going to find them."

"You know it'll be near impossible to get her back if they make it back to the beach. You know that don't you?" Sawyer swallowed hard and noticed that Kate shifted slightly in her sleep, he placed a finger over her mouth and her eyes fluttered open to look at him. He could've gotten lost in her emerald green orbs in that moment, if it weren't for the knowledge that they were close, outside in the jungle.

He nodded his head towards the cave entrance and tapped a finger over her mouth, signaling that she had to be completely silent. She nodded knowingly and clutched his arm, pulling herself up more before shifting around so her face was buried in his chest.

"They're not getting back to the camp." Sawyer's hand went to Kate's waist and he helped her shift so she was kneeling on the ground a bit, his hand lingering on her bulging stomach. His mouth went to her ear and he sighed.

"Don't worry Freckles. They're not taking you back. I won't let them touch you again." Kate relaxed a bit at his words and nodded silently into his neck.

"Who lost their trail again?" The tone was an accusing one and Sawyer ran a hand through Kate's hair as he wished they would just move on. He hated that even after she had relaxed a bit, he could fell the fear and tension in the air around her.

"At least I was able to find the trail to follow in the first place." He saw Shadows, they were close, and then a figure as one stepped dangerously close to the mouth of the cave. He held her closer, glad her face was buried so she couldn't see the man at the mouth of the cave.

"Maybe we should just head back."

"They're not a the beach yet.."

"Let's head back Pickett. We have to regroup." The man at the mouth of the cave turned around and started walking towards the direction the voice had just come from as he started to speak.

"Ok. We'll go back, but we're gonna be more careful about it this time. We're gonna survey the surrounding areas carefully as we go." Sawyer's heart leapt in his throat and he felt Kate's entire body tense up completely again. He patted her back softly before reluctantly pulled away from her, running a hand down her cheek and wiping up a trail of tears.

Sawyer leaned forward, pressing his lips against her ear. "It's gonna be ok Freckles. I promise. I promised they wouldn't take you again and they're not going to." He leaned back and looked into her eyes as she nodded.

"I'm going this way and you…" There was a pause as Sawyer could just imagine the man looking around. "Go check out that cave."


	19. Chapter 19

Silence followed the order and time seemed to stop and Sawyer gave Kate's arm a reassuring squeeze, his eyes falling to her stomach for a brief moment. He pushed her shoulder a bit so her back was flat against the cave wall and he stood up slowly, looking at the mouth of the cave. He felt Kate's hands grasp his, trying to hold him back, but he shook his head.

With a sigh he got out of her grip and walked to the side of the cave wall, pressing up against it as he walked. This was dangerous; they were going to be found. But it was something that he had to do.

He heard shuffling and footsteps in the woods as the person neared the entrance of the cave. Sawyer cocked the gun and waited until he saw someone walk in. He grabbed their arm and pulled the person to himself, digging the gun into their skin.

"Don't scream." He said, his voice dark and his breath heavy. Upon closer examination he noticed that it was a young girl who was standing there, looking at him, eerily calm for someone who was being held by an angry man at gunpoint. She shook her head slowly and held a finger up to her mouth.

"You…" Kate said quietly, moving to stand up. "You… Sawyer put down the gun." Sawyer looked back at Kate, wondering what she was up to.

"Freckles… it's one of them…"

"She's the one who helped me escape." Sawyer turned back to the girl, confused at what Kate had said, although it made sense that a pregnant woman in her seventh month would have to have help getting away from a group of violent island natives.

"You helped her."

"You have to keep quiet. Otherwise they might hear you." She said, looking between Sawyer and Kate. "But…" She put a hand on Sawyer's chest and nodded towards Kate, pushing him a bit over to her so they were all close. "Did Claire have the baby?"

"Yeah… a boy. They named him Aaron." Kate's voice was quiet and she clutched Sawyer's arm tightly. He didn't seem to notice he still had the gun up and pointed to the girl. But the girl didn't mind. It would be in all their best interests to stay like that anyways.

"Aaron… that's so wonderful." She nodded at Kate. "And he's healthy?"

"Yes. He's really healthy." Kate nodded at the girl, who looked at the mouth of the cave.

"Alright. I have to go now… tell them that no one's in here…" She looked back at Kate. "I'll do my best to try and find out about your baby. I'll try to keep them away from you guys too. They won't go back to your camp. It's best you stay in the area of the beach and your hatch. For safety purposes." Sawyer nodded and pulled Kate to himself, holding her against his chest. 

"Thank you. For everything." Kate's voice was quiet but her eyes showed how much she meant it. With a nod the girl turned and walked out of the cave.

"Can we trust her?"

"Yeah." Kate paused, watching the cave's entrance and leaning more against Sawyer's chest. "Yeah, we can trust her." They stood there, motionless, Sawyer's arm around her shoulders, holding her to his chest with his eyes glued to the entrance. His gun was poised on the trigger with the hammer of the gun pulled back, ready to shoot if anyone came in.

After five minutes of silence, the only noise the pounding of their own hearts, Sawyer sighed and leaned down a bit, pressing his lips against her forehead. "Alright Freckles… you ready to walk? We should get back to the beach as soon as possible." Kate nodded and pulled back a bit, letting Sawyer walk ahead of her out of the cave.

"Freckles… we have to stay as quiet as possible." He held an arm behind him and waited for her to take it before pulling it back up. His arm wrapped around her back and she looked up at him, confusion written over her face. "I'm not taking any chances." He said simply, looking back up and checking their surroundings.

"Sawyer…"

"We're getting back to the beach. And then you're never going to step foot into this jungle again. Got it?" Sawyer looked down at her and she chewed her bottom lip. She didn't love being told what to do, but she completely understood where he was coming from. With a sigh she lowered her hand to her stomach.

Kate swallowed hard and took a deep breath. She knew Sawyer was still looking at her, even as they walked. Waiting for her confirmation that she wasn't going out again. She wasn't sure if she could agree to it. She wasn't about to promise something that she couldn't stand by.

"Kate." His voice made her look up into his eyes. "You are not… coming out into this jungle again. Ever." Kate adverted her eyes from him and felt his warm breath on her neck as he waited for her to agree. She finally turned back up to him and nodded slowly.

"I know." Her voice was quiet, but she got the point across. She wasn't going back out into the jungle, and Sawyer nodded back at her, tightening his grip and leading her again. They walked all the way back to the beach in complete silence. A silence that was anything but comfortable.


	20. Chapter 20

Kate felt the sun on her face and squinted a bit. Sawyer's hand was on her back and he sighed as he looked around at the beach. She rested a hand on her stomach and took a few deep breaths, closing her eyes slightly. She listened to the waves a bit before she smiled. "Home sweet home." She shot a look at Sawyer, who gave her a half-hearted smile.

"You should probably die down."

"I slept last night. I don't imagine that you did." She pointed out, looking at him.

"But you're exhausted, I can tell." He paused, noticing the look on her face that said she was going to argue again. He quickly thought up a new approach. "And I'll sleep better knowing that you're beside me." He added quietly, looking around. "After everything that's just happened…"

"Alright." She said quietly, nodding up at him. Sawyer started to lean down towards her and just barely pressed his lips to hers when they were interrupted by a thick Australian accent.

"Oh my God… Kate?" Kate turned to see Claire and smiled at the other woman.

"Hey Claire." She walked over a bit and Claire threw her arms around Kate. She smiled and pulled back, looking the other girl up and down.

"I just… you're back." She shook her head, smiling even wider, her whole face brightening with her smile.

"So I've heard." Kate said with a smile, pushing aside everything that had happened and trying to focus on just being happy. A few other people around the camp had run up to see what had made Claire so happy and they were all around them, Sawyer standing back against the trees, as always, outside of the group of people.

He saw Jack walking up the beach toward the group and inwardly cringed. He crossed his arms over his chest and watched as Jack smiled and pulled Kate into an awkward hug. He couldn't tell what was being said, but he could tell that, whatever it was, was making Kate uncomfortable. He saw her shake her head and smile a polite, but forced smile.

"Hate to break up the little party but…" Sawyer spoke up, pushing his way through the group and walking up to Kate and Jack. "Somethin tells me that Freckles might be a tad tired and this would not be the right time or place to be drillin' her for answers." He shot Jack a pointed look. Jack nodded slowly, his face showing that he felt completely stupid that Sawyer had had to say anything about proper etiquette to him.

"Yeah I guess you're right. You should go get some rest Kate." Jack said, looking Kate straight in the eye. Sawyer looked from Jack to Kate and noticed that something else seemed to be floating in the air, something going on between the two that neither one was saying out loud. He saw Jack's eyes fall to her stomach and linger there before he turned around and walked off. Like little sheep, most of the others followed his actions until it was just him, Kate, and Claire.

"If you need anything, either of you… I'm in a tent just a few yards away." She smiled and turned around, walking back to her tent. Sawyer and Kate stood silently for a moment, the air around them was thick. Sawyer sighed and turned around.

"Come on Freckles." He started walking back to the tent, obviously out of it. He was drained, both physically and emotionally tired, and Kate wasn't sure what to make of his attitude in that moment. So she followed him silently back to his tent, hugging her arms to herself.

When they walked into the tent, he walked over to his makeshift bed and straightened out a pillow, pulling on the blanket. He nodded for her to walk over and she did, not a word was spoken as he nodded for her to lie down. She shifted around until she was in a lying position. He pulled the blanket up over her, avoiding touching her at all costs. He dropped his eyes and straightened, and finally she couldn't take it anymore.

"What?"

"I didn't say anything." He bit his lip, not meeting her eyes.

"Sawyer…" She rolled her eyes and sighed. "You know… why… I thought you were going to sleep. You said…"

"I am." He said simply, sitting down on the airplane seat in the tent, facing the entrance of the tent.

"Sawyer, don't do this. Not right now."

"I'm tired Freckles." He shifted around, closing his eyes and trying to block her out.

"You aren't going to get any sleep on that chair Sawyer. Just get into bed."

"Drop it Kate." His voice was cold and she bit her lip, dropping her eyes from his chair to the floor of the tent. He sighed and turned around, fighting the urge to get up and lay down next to her. Instead he turned his shoulders so that he couldn't see her anymore, just watching the tent flaps.

"Don't do this Sawyer. Not again… not now." Kate looked back up at him, but he didn't move. "I'm sick of it Sawyer. I won't… I can't do it anymore."

"Do what?" It was a half-hearted question, and he made no motion to turn and look at her or to give any indication that he cared to hear her answer. In truth, he didn't need to hear it, he knew what she was talking about. She sighed exasperatedly.

"This, Sawyer. I can't do this anymore. Sit here and wait out your stupid little pity party." Kate's words sparked his anger and he sat up, turning towards her.

"I don't."

"And these walls you've set up… you keep pushing me out every time that we…"

"We gonna fight now Freckles?"

"No Sawyer. We're not fighting." She sat up and clutched the blanket in her fingers, her eyes set on the back of the chair. "Because I won't have this fight again." Sawyer had to close his eyes as she spoke, her voice was quiet and he could tell she was fighting tears.

"Then maybe you should go back to your little hero." His voice was filled with anger and jealousy. Kate shook her head and Sawyer didn't notice that she'd stood up until she was kneeling next to him and there was a stinging feeling on his face from her slap.

"Sawyer you are such an idiot sometimes!" She shook her head, biting her lip. "If I wanted Jack do you really think I'd be here right now? What will it take to get you to understand that I chose you?"

"I wasn't your choice Freckles." He shook his head and glared up at her.

"What? What the heck…"

"No, I was your second choice." He pushed on, through the barrier in his mind that told him it was time to stop. He was beyond the point of no return. "You ran to me when Jack decided that you weren't good enough for him. You chose him and he threw you out. You're with me cuz I was there to pick up the doc's trash. You never wanted me."

"You son of a…" Kate's fist collided with the side of his face as her vision became blurred with her tears. 

"Now's when you go crying to Jack and you two live your fairytale happily ever after life." He said, his voice shaking as he shook his head, ignoring the dull headache he had received with her punch.

"I hate you." Kate shook her head, standing up. Sawyer could tell by the way she had spoken those words that she didn't mean it. She said them because it was what she wanted to feel. She desperately needed to hate him, but was incapable of it. That's the point when Sawyer knew that she loved him, after everything he'd just said, she still was unable to hate him.

"Kate…" He looked up, but it was too late, she had already left the tent. He shook his head and punched the ground as hard as he could, wanting to hurt himself as much as he had just hurt her. "Dammit!"


	21. Chapter 21

**Edited this chapter slightly. Nothing's changed, the first scene was jut added. **

* * *

Sawyer shifted, punching the ground again before standing up and running his hands through his hair. Why couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut? Why couldn't she have just let it be? Why had he not been able to listen to his inner voice and stop when it had told him to stop?

His eyes drifted to the tent flap again. She wasn't coming back. He didn't really blame her. In a way he had just given her the reason that he was certain she was always looking for. The look in her eyes that said that even though she had fooled herself into believing that she was happy, she wanted to run. More then anything Kate always wanted to run, and he had just done her a favor by handing her a reason to on a silver platter. He was fairly certain it was probably the best reason she'd ever had to run. With an ironic smile he shook his head. Out of all the things he wanted to give her, the one thing she was able to get out of him was a reason to leave.

But now she was in danger. Hadn't he just brought her back from the Others? Had he really let a small run-in with Jack, a hidden meaning of a shared look between Jack and Kate blind him so much that he put Kate's life in danger? He turned around and kicked over a bag that had been sitting on the ground. He gritted his teeth as a low growl emmited from his throat.

---

Kate walked into her old tent. It seemed like forever since she'd been there. She'd lived in the caves, then moved into Sawyer's tent. She was surprised that no one had laid claim to the old tent she made before. Everything was still there, as if it all had just been waiting for her to come back to it.

"Home sweet home." She muttered under her breath, tears in her eyes. She hugged her arms tightly to herself before glancing down at her stomach and letting a hand slip to the bulge, running a thumb over it slowly. She felt exhausted and with a sigh she moved over to the bed, laying down. She hated being alone. There was nothing more she wanted to do then to go back to Sawyer. Sure he had been a jerk, but he had his reasons. And it made sense he would feel the way he did.

She would talk to him later. When they both had time to cool off. With this new thought she leaned back against the pillow and closed her eyes.

---

Sawyer stood up. He had to follow her. Stepping out of the tent he looked around. People had gone back to doing their normal chores and she was nowhere in sight. He felt his stomach churn as he looked towards the jungle. After everything that had happened he didn't think she'd go into the jungle alone, but a lot had been said.

He closed his eyes, cursing himself for ignoring the voice that had told him to stop. She was pregnant and she didn't need the extra drama. He was overreacting, he had to be.

"Come on Kate…" He muttered, looking around the beach again, praying that she hadn't gone into the jungle.

"Sawyer?" Sun walked up to him slowly, shaking her head a bit as she noticed the look on his face. "What is wrong?"

"It's none of your damn busines..." Sawyer paused, biting his bottom lip roughly. "Freckles..." Sawyer said slowly, shaking his head.

---

15 year old Katherine Austin was sitting on the floor in her living room, chewing her bottom lip as she tried to figure out one of the more complicated math problems. Her mom was sitting in her favorite armchair, reading a romance novel of some sort.

"Mom, come on! Can't I just call dad and ask him for help?"

"No Katherine. You are not going to spend my money to bother your father about something that you know."

"But I don't..."

"Well you should've been payin attention sweatheart." Diane looked up from her book to see the frown on her daughter's face and sighed. "I'm sorry darlin but we can't use the phone unless it's an emergency. But it's the weekend. You can walk down to Tom's tommorow and see if he can help you." Diane smiled and waited for Kate to smile back at her before going back to her book.

Kate looked back down at the paper and dropped her forced smile. It wasn't just that the problem was hard, but she felt like it had been forever since she'd seen her dad and she just needed to hear his voice for a bit. To feel like she was actually loved, belonged somewhere. Cause she'd known all her life that she certainly didn't belong here. She didn't belong with him.

There was the sound of a car door slamming outside and Kate felt her breath catch slightly. He was home. She saw her mother flinch out of the corner of her eye, her hands shaking and the fear flash across her face for just a moment. There was no doubt in either woman's mind that, per usual, a drunk man with a nasty temper would stumble in through the door and automatically find something to be angry about.

And they both knew with a shared sickening feeling that he wasn't going to have any trouble finding something to be angry about tonight.

The door flew open, banging against the side of the house so loudly that Kate was afraid that it might fall off the hinges. But it never did. It was the same as every night, she saw her mother rush to put up the book, to hide it so that he wouldn't know that she'd been reading. Then Diane would stand up and rush over to her grabbing her arm and telling her to go to her room.

This time though, there was no time for Kate to run off to her room before he reached them, his eyes on fire as he looked around the room before his gaze settled on his wife. "Where is it?" His voice was low and dangerous, slightly slurred from his trip to the bar.

"Where is what?" Diane knew what he was talking about, but played like she didn't, moving to stand in front of Kate slightly.

"You know damn well what I want." He crossed the room, grabbing her arms roughly. "I come home after working all day and a very short trip to cool down at the bar and I come home to you fooling around in the living room without a single piece of food on the table?"

"You didn't call. I didn't know that you…"

"Don't you even try to blame this on me!" Kate couldn't move. She felt glued to the floor and watched as Wayne brought the back of his hand across her mother's face. "Now I'm gonna give you two minutes to get me something to eat or…"

"Leave her alone!" Kate shook her head, feeling the tears in her eyes and instantly regretting opening her mouth when he turned to look at her.

"Excuse me?"

"Katie don't…"

"Shut up Diane." Wayne yelled at his wife, then turned back to Kate. "Now… what did you just say to me?"

"Stop it. She didn't do anything wrong." Kate couldn't turn back now. And the look her mother shot her broke her heart. She didn't have time to dwell as he turned his bone chilling glare on her.

"I don't take backtalk or sass." Wayne pushed Diane away from him and stepped towards Kate. Realization of what he was about to do hit her and she spun around, taking off at a run. She knocked over a lamp in the process to try to trip him up.

She got to her room and slammed the door shut, quickly reaching down and locking it before running to the corner and sliding down to a sitting position. Within minutes there was pounding on her door.

"Kate! Open this door!" More pounding and Kate pulled her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth as she watched the door closely as it strained to hold up against the force of the blows. "I'm not playing Katie! Open this door or I swear to god you'll never see the light of another day!"

Kate closed her eyes tightly, burying her face in her arms, draped over her knees. "Go away… just go away…" She muttered through tears. It sounded as if Wayne had begun to throw his entire body against the door.

"If I have to break this door down you're gonna pay for it you bitch!" Kate heard him wham up against the door again. She swallowed a lump in her throat and pulled herself to her feet, looking around quickly and spotting the window. She stood up on her bed and forced up the window. She heard a straining noise again, then a sick cracking noise that echoed in her ears. She quickly hoisted herself out the window, not looking back. With one knee on the window ledge outside she moved to swing her other leg outside, but yelped in fear and shock.

Her head whipped around to see Wayne holding onto her foot. "Get back in here." He pulled at her foot but she struggled and kicked her foot wildly. Finally her foot made contact with the side of his head and he let go. Kate stumbled out of the window and took off at a run.

She knew she didn't have long. He'd be coming soon. She looked back at the house, regretting that she was leaving her mom there, but finally turning and taking off down the road at a run.

She was almost to Tom's house when she heard the faint noise of an engine behind her a ways down the road. She recognized the sound as his old junky truck. She looked around at a panic. There was no way she could get to Tom's house before he reached her.

She rushed towards the side of the road and gripped a tree, hearing the noises get louder as he got closer. She took a deep breath, situated herself a bit better and began to climb. She climbed as quickly as she could, reaching out for a high branch and swinging her leg up over it, pulling herself up to sit on it as the noise stopped.

His door opened and he looked around for her, Kate sighed slightly in relief, knowing that he didn't know exactly where she was, but also knowing he would find her soon, clinging the tree branch tightly.

Her eyes met his when he found out where she was. His steely glare sent shivers down her spine. When he spoke his voice sounded cold and angry. Even more dangerous then when he'd walked in the house before. And this time his words were directed at her.

"Get. Down. Now." Kate twisted around, he sounded so close, even from where she sat high on the branch. She lost her grip on the branch and felt herself slipping, falling towards the ground and she began to scream.

"Kate!" Kate's eyes flew open to see Sawyer sitting over her on the bed, holding her shoulders with a worried look on his face. Her throat felt like sandpaper and she pulled herself up, looking at him with a slight frown.

"What… where… oh God Sawyer…" Kate reached out, her hands gripping his arms, clinging to him like a lost child, feeling the tears streaming down her cheeks. "He was chasing me again… I tried to get away but I fell out of the tree. He knocked down the door and he hit her again. And I just left her there… alone with him…"

Sawyer watched her, shaking his head. He hated the state she was in, so far out of reality, stuck in the nightmare of a memory. He wanted to pull her out of that darkness, but he wasn't sure how he could do that. He shook his head slowly and pulled her closer to himself, resting her head on his shoulder and rubbing her back, rocking back and forth.

"You're ok Freckles. I'm here. I'm sorry." He felt her sobs going through her entire body as he held her against himself and closed his eyes. He had to pull her out of the state she was in quickly. "I'm right here. He's gone Kate. He's not gonna get you."


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey, I added in a small section at the begginning of the last chapter because it doesn't change anything, but I found it on my computer from the original chapter (That I'd lost) and I really liked it... I promise a new chapter by Friday. Sorry about the time it's taken me to get back into this story. Things are gonna calm down soon...**

* * *

Sawyer pulled back, sighing as he glanced down at Kate. She shifted against him as she slept, her breathing coming out calm and even. A small smile snuck onto his face as he moved a hand to brush back her hair, his thumb grazed her cheek. His hand dropped to trail down her cheek and neck, down her arm that was pressed against him. With her lying on her back he had a good sight of her swollen belly. 

His gaze moved to Kate's face. She seemed to glow, even with the slight bit of dirt smudged on her cheek, the unruly brown curls that hadn't been washed or brushed for months.

He shook his head, dropping his gaze back to her stomach, slowly pulling away from her, smiling as she shifted back down against the bed, the arm that'd been pressing against him, moved up to rest on the warmth of his pillow.

Sawyer moved slowly, not wanting to wake her. His hand slowly moved to her stomach. It hovered above it for a few drawn out seconds before hesitantly resting down on it. He very slowly moved his thumb over it, shifting to lean forward a bit where he sat, gently lifting her shirt slightly and lightly placing a kiss on the exposed area. He swallowed a lump in his throat.

"Hey baby." He said softly as he looked at her stomach, his hand resting against it as he spoke in a hushed tone, not allowing himself to think about what he was doing and how ridiculous it seemed. "I'm ah… I'm your…" Closing his eyes he slightly. "I'm your dad." He said slowly, choking out the word; dad. It sounded foreign, unfitting. He shook his head, moving his hand over the lump slowly. "You an' your mom have been through a lot and I ain't been around. But uh… you ain't gotta worry 'bout none a that anymore. I ain't goin' nowhere. And those damn Others ain't gonna touch you or Mommy ever again. I'm gonna protect you kid." Sawyer sighed, shaking his head slowly. He swallowed a lump in his throat again.

Slowly he shifted, moving to lay next to Kate again, shifting to drape an arm over her protectively. He sighed, shifting to kiss her temple lightly. "I love you Freckles." He said softly, moving a hand to stroke her cheek softly.

Kate shifted against him slowly, readjusting to his presence beside her. "Love you too Sawyer." She slowly opened her eyes to smile up at him. He immediately dropped his gaze, biting his bottom lip slightly.

"How long you been lyin' awake here Freckles?" He felt Kate's hand resting on his cheek slightly. She shifted her thumb, brushing it over his lips slowly, pulling his bottom lip out from between his teeth gently with her actions. She didn't answer him, just lifted up to kiss him softly. Sawyer responded to her soft kiss, wrapping an arm around her upper body, taking his hand and running it over her side slowly before he slowly lifted it to gently caress her cheek.

They shared a soft, tender kiss before Kate pulled out slowly, smiling up at him. She slowly reached up to take his hand in her own hand silently. He gave her a confused look and she shook her head, bring his hand down to rest on her stomach.

"Long enough." She whispered softly in response to his question, her eyes on his, not allowing him to look away. "Someone wants to say 'hi' to you too." She added with a soft grin.

"What?" As soon as he'd said it, he felt a light bump, glancing up at Kate with a small, slightly questioning smile. She nodded her head slowly at him. "How long has it been doing that?" He asked with a grin.

"Not long." She said with a slight shrug. "It uh… the first time it kicked was when I was brought out of whatever kind of trance they had me in." She dropped her gaze, shaking her head slightly. He subconsciously moved closer to her, kissing her temple and shifting his free arm around her shoulders, behind her on the bed. She relaxed a bit at his movements.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asked her softly, giving her shoulders a reassuring squeeze.

"No…" She spoke softly. "No… I'm not ready yet…" She said slowly. He nodded his head in her understanding. His arms pulled her to himself protectively and he sighed as he bent to brush his lips over her forehead lightly.

"I meant what I told our kid Freckles. No one's touching either of you ever again. Not as long as I'm here to protect you. And I'm always gonna protect you." He kissed her temple with a light sigh.

"I know." She said softly. And she did.


	23. Chapter 23

The man stepped closer to her, needle ready to stick into her arm. Kate squirmed and screamed, but she couldn't move, the binds holding her wrists and ankles to the table. She was stuck in the needle's path. His hand reached out for her, the world seemed stuck in slow motion. When he touched her arm she felt the warm, calloused fingers wrap around her arm and she shook her head fervently. She screamed out Sawyer's name, calling for him to help her, to get her out. As the needle came closer to her she felt the hand move up to her shoulder, shaking her slightly. Her eyes stuck on the needle, coming closer. Kate closed her eyes, shaking her head a taking a deep, steadying breath, feeling oddly calmer then before.

"Kate!" Kate's eyes flew open and she pulled herself up as quick as she could. "Kate?" She felt warm, protective arms wrap around her, a soft kiss placed on the back of her neck. "Freckles... baby what's wrong?"

Kate twisted in Sawyer's grasp to throw her arms around his neck, burying her face and biting back sobs. He sighed and lightly stroked her back and then ran his fingers lightly through her hair, not saying anything. He just sat there, holding her and letting her feel his presence, feel his comfort. He didn't need to tell her that she was sage with him, he didn't have to tell her he was right there, she knew it all, he could tell from the way she clung to him.  
He let her take her time calming down, willing to sit and hold her forever if that was what it took, but wanting it to stop desperately. He couldn't stand to see her like this. When she finally pulled back his hand rose to her cheek, his thumb brushing away her tears slowly.

"Sawyer..." Her voice was barely a whisper. One of his arms wrapped around her shoulders to pull her close, the other one moving down and resting on her stomach, as if just holding her like that, his arms would completely deflect any danger the island might throw at her. And he could see in her eyes that that was exactly how she felt.

"It's ok baby. You ain't gotta say nothin'. I'm here..."

"I know but... but I want to... Sawyer I need to say something... need to talk about it..." He shifted slightly with her, kissing her forehead and holding her as close as he could, nodding his head slowly. "You uh... you still wanna hear about what I can remember from... their camp... from when they had me there?"

"I wanna know whatever you want to tell me Freckles." He spoke softly. Kate nodded slowly, shifting to rest her head on his shoulder while she took a few deep and calming breaths.

"Everything then… well…: She sighed, pulling back to look him in the eyes. "I'm uh… I'm going to start at the beginning and go as far as I... can.." Sawyer nodded at her slowly, his hand lightly massaging her back as he leaned forward to press his lips to her forehead.

"Take your time baby, try to stay as calm as you can." He ran the thumb of his hand over her stomach with a light sigh.

"Ok…"

--- 

Kate's eyes opened slowly. She felt drowsy and confused. She shifted to sit up slowly, but when she did she looked around to see that she was in a small room. The bed she sat on was padded well, comfortable to lie on. She shook her head, her eyes going down to the blanket covering her. It was a dark brown, but it was full and comfortably warm. She looked down to the fluffy, full pillow that lay where her head had been, the light imprint from where she'd been still on it.

Slowly Kate moved to stand up, pushing slowly off the bed with a light sigh. She slowly shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself tightly as she slowly felt herself stretching out from being in bed for what felt like forever, her body already aching to lie back down, to go back to that comfort. Her curiosity won her over and she walked forward slowly, looking around the room. It was dark and she had to hold out her hands to avoid running into the wall.

She felt her way across the room, her fingers running slowly across the wall before finding their way to a light bump, moving it slightly on instinct. It was a switch, and there was a humming noise as she pulled back her hand. She looked up to notice that the room's lights were slowly coming on, the cause of the humming. She sighed, shaking her head slightly before looking around the room again. It was a relatively plain room, but in the light she was certain that she'd never been there before.

There was the bed, the brown blanket was actually lighter then she had thought it was before. It was a nice sized, comfortable twin bed, the blanket, sheets, and pillow all a sandy brown color. Her eyes moved a bit more, the room had pure white walls. She noted the florescent lights above her, still humming slightly. The place smelled like medical supplies. Her eyes went back to the room. There were two black, movable chairs that looked like they were rather comfortable as well. In between them set a small, round table that had a tray on it.

Kate frowned, looking around slowly. Kate sighed, walking slowly towards the table and picking up a piece of paper that said 'MS. AUSTIN' in big block letters. She sighed, putting down the paper, lifting the cover off the tray to see a sandwich and a glass of orange juice sitting under it. She shook her head slowly with a light sigh, moving to cover it again. She looked around before resting a hand on her stomach, moving to sit down and uncover the food again. Despite how many questions she had, the fact that she didn't know if it was completely safe, Kate was too hungry to pass up the food.  
She lifted the sandwich, taking a bite into it slowly. As soon as she tasted it she quickly finished it off. Even a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich tasted like a wonderful gourmet meal to her, she felt as if it'd been so long since she'd last had any kind of food. As soon as the food was gone she grabbed the cup, downing the orange juice in one quick gulp, setting it back down with a sigh, licking her lips slightly.

Feeling a bit more satisfied she looked up, noticing the outline of a door on the wall ahead of her, and another one on the wall across the room from where she sat. The paint those two places were more of an off-white. She sighed, standing up to walk to the one ahead of her first. Both had bars to use as handles, but other then that, nothing, not even a window.

Kate reached the door, slowly reaching out and gripping the bar, moving to push it down, with no reaction coming from it. She sighed, shaking her head and trying again, still not budging the lever a single inch.

Kate finally let go of the handle, slowly turning towards the other wall, moving slowly towards the door. She figured it was hopeless, there was no way it'd be unlocked. The set-up of the room made her feel like she was in for a long stay, and that whoever was holding her there was being very careful, wouldn't make any kinds of mistake.

Who was holding her there? Where was she? Why couldn't she remember anything beyond Edward slapping handcuffs on her. Maybe that was it, she was in prison.

No, it was way too nice to be a prison.

She chuckled lightly, rolling her eyes at the thought of calling the place she was in 'nice' in any way.

She reached the other door with a sigh, reaching out to it and gripping the handle. She couldn't help but let out a slight gasp as the door opened with the slightest push that she gave it.

**TBC**


	24. Announcement

Authors Note::

A few things have recently come to my attention...

1.) I really miss writing fanfiction.

2.) I absolutely adored writing this story.

3.) A few people did seem interested in me continuing it.

4.) My writing style has changed since this - and only for the better.

With that in mind, I am going to be rewriting this story and WILL be finishing it. I'm starting it as a new story though, because a few of the situations will be changed for the betterment of the end of the story and such. Chapter one is completed now and already has been sent back to me by my amazing beta and I will be posting that right after this update. I am currently working on chapters 2 & 3 which are being combined now, so if you are still interested in reading this and are on story alert for this one, I would suggest changing over and setting up with that one. :)

Lots of Love! 3 Rea


End file.
